If you’d like to read this first, it may be helpful.
In other posts, I talk about how I gave up my job, my arrangement, Judas, Jesus, as well as my affiliation with a particular Religious Buddhist Organization. The original teachings of the Buddha are for me, but organized religion after enlightenment hit, was no longer a fit to my life’s mission.
I recommend reading that post first, to have an understanding of what it means to “give up everything”.
Question. What types of things did you let go of but you didn’t actually have to give up?
Well a big whopper, was I gave up my kids, the attachment to being their mother, to them being “my children”, but not actually having to give them up physically.
Question. Yeah but how did you really know you had given your kids up then if if you didn’t actually physically give them up?
It is always about giving up the thought system that is attached to the son, the job, the husband. You see God is. My children in truth, are God in eternal form. They aren’t even truly my children. They are me, I am them, as God. But you see in this world of separation, it appears that the bodies that I see are my children, these bodies are the ego’s version of my children. My kids are eternal, whole and not separate from God. The body, the thing that allows for physical experiences, is not the truth of who any of us are, including my children. What I’ve described here is very advanced. When you reach this level of “giving up” that I describe, you are so far in the journey of becoming fully into the God that you are. This is very hard to understand at first and most of you will be very confused.
So the way I knew I had given up my attachment to my children is I had to watch my son die before my eyes as if it actually was happening. All kinds of mystical things were pointing in the direction that there was a possibility that one of my children would pass away. You see I was creating that worst fear within my mind, and this was all popping up for me to heal and this fear was manifesting before my eyes as if it was “really happening” on this stage called earth. I saw a car accident. I saw flashes of my sons funeral, as if it were prophetic information coming in. When I completely surrendered to the outcome that my child would die, I let go completely of needing him physically. Furthermore, I let go of my attachment to “needing” all of my children to physically exist. I was attached like most people are, to the bodies of my children, the version of them that is a temporary one. I healed all that that night. Instantly, the fear within me was healed and I felt it, I mean really felt it. All of that energy that had been tied up in my mind over my kids form became God energy. I could actually feel the knot that had accumulated in my body from carrying that fear release, inside of my body.
You see, because fears are “normalized” in this illusionary world we live in, we don’t see them as an unnatural state of being. In your made up thought system within your mind, you are carrying all of your deepest fears. These fears keep the the totality of God pinched off from you in this world. You live as a “maker” with a small m rather than as The Creator with the big C. The maker, the little god with amnesia, has fears because it thinks its separate, and alone. Never in truth, but in this dream world, we as a forgotten god walk around in fear, as separated units. Separated from our source, who is always in love, and who has no fears.
Question. So then why would God put you through that, what is the point?
God is me. And I put myself through this because I forgot who I was. I was living as a forgotten god, remember? I forgot I had nothing to fear. I forgot that I’m not a body, I forgot that I am only love, and I forgot that there is no death and life is eternal. That was all the forgotten god version of myself’s doing. The pinched off from God me. The true me, the total God me, allows for the little god me to do whatever little g wants. It’s up to the little me to wake up and integrate the little me with the total me and finally I did.
So the point in all of this is, its my willingness. Was I willing to go all the way and heal the fear, the misperception in my mind? Could I completely surrender to God, even if it meant surrendering my attachment to my own kids?
I will give you another example of willingness as well.
A few weeks ago, I was instructed in one day by God (me) to:
1. Apply for welfare.
2. Go inquire about living in a transitional living place.
3. Apply for a staffing agency making 14 dollars an hour.
Without question, I said “okay”! I couldn’t see the vision of all of that actually being a part of my future, but I was completely willing to go as far as it was necessary, especially to heal my fear of all of that coming true. You see by going that far, and making the moves for applying welfare and all of that, it meant I was willing to accept yet another “worst fear” of mine just like losing a kid. I was willing to surrender completely, and let go of resisting my worst case scenario.
And so the fear thoughts flood in.
So I could be in a homeless shelter?
So I make 14 dollars an hour and live off of that for however long?
Okay, no problem.
So here’s what happened next.
I applied and got the job, got recommendations, got all of my dr. appointments done. I even submitted my Nursing License paper work to have the license reactivated as my next future step. But then, the God guidance was to quit it! Don’t take the job, don’t move into a transitional living place, do none of it! I immediately knew why I had suddenly been instructed to stop at least for now.
In some cases, you just have to be willing to fully surrender, and your willingness to follow the will of God no matter what is asked of you is enough. I felt that particular fear, instantly heal the moment I surrendered completely. I was once again, free from another fear that I’d been carrying. My level of freedom has completely been dependent on my commitment to this journey. I’m all fuggin’ in if you couldn’t tell. There is no half steppin’ the God in a body business.
Now some things, I’ve actually given up, like most of my income, and soon to be, my house, as well as all of the other things I’ve mentioned before. But they were not of the highest and best any longer for me and deep down, I knew that. So I send them off with arms wide open for with whats to come and I stepped each day more and more into the deepest of trust. One of my worst fears, was to live without much money, that fear, played out for me in real time. The money still isn’t here, but the fear is gone. My cellphone just got turned off. I have absolutely no physical timeline as to how my other bills will be paid and where we will live and when.
And yet, I feel no fear.
Sure, I’m still fully human. Of course I feel emotions. But the peace never leaves. The fearlessness never leaves. The anxiety never floods in.
The money will be there when it is time for it to be there. And its arrival date is the least of my concerns. I’m willing to do whatever it takes for truth, for only God and nothing else place above God. I’m willing to go down, and to be stripped of everything. And the best thing is that when it comes back, it comes back from God, and it comes back because you were no longer attached to it. You manifest the money, the life of your dreams from the truth. The God within you manifests all of it. I’d much rather give up the illusions, for truth.
Because when you no longer suffer anymore, and when you only feel peace, and other emotions roll off your back like a nice transient breeze, you’ve got everything you ever wanted, right here. That’s how I live. I’m in a state of continual joy.
In truth, there was nowhere to go, and nothing else to be. Just to become what we always were in truth. To uncover the treasure that is within. Once you find out what you are, well there aren’t words to express how it feels.
Trust me, you only know, when you really really know…
A quick update from last night. So after writing this blog, here is what happened the next morning.
Peace son sons!