Before reading this, It could be helpful to read about Ayhuasca, Icaros and Shamanism, what it is, and it’s purpose. Otherwise, get ready to be lost:-).
Back in March 2019, God brought it to my attention that I would be visiting Peru. At the time, I was instructed to pay for the majority of the trip and flight a long head of time. I didn’t know what I would be walking into financially in the months to come, but I trusted that there must be a reason why I had to pay up front so far in advance.
A day or two later after booking my trip, I was instructed to invite my friend Sabryna over to sit and do a little vision board together.
Me, Sabryna and my sister sit together cutting out dream photos the old school way, with magazines.
I’ve always imaged living in the Jungle in Costa Rica, naked with a farm of fresh grown food and being surrounded by animals and a bag of money delivered by a man in a suit and tie.
Me and my sis crack up in laughter at what Sabryna just said.
Its funny you say that, I’m actually going to Peru to an Ayhuasca retreat at the end of the year. Oh my God, Sabryna, I think it runs through your birthday!
I showed her the dates. Now that’s why I was supposed to invite her over!
She gasps in disbelief.
Oh my God, its a sign, I was told so many times over that I needed to end up going to an Ayhuasca retreat, can I go with you?
Now I knew for sure why I had invited Sabryna over to do a silly vision board.
December 6th 2019, finally arrives and feeling sleepy, but happy to finally be there, we arrive in Sacred Valley Peru. A fourteen hour travel time to get there, 2 planes and a 2 hour long taxi ride to the Andes mountains. I quietly introduce myself to all of my new found spiritual peers for the week, sure I’d be back to my old chipper self by tomorrow but I was feeling wiped.
Everyone was as nice as you would imagine. But I could feel a strange rub developing in me. A feeling that I hadn’t felt full force in maybe a year. Something felt like that was out of my normal element, but I didn’t know what it was. Sabryna graced everyone with her presence and instantly became connected with everyone she met. Literally.
Yes exactly, I’m here for Sabryna and thats it, this trip isn’t about me, its about helping her, I reassured myself that that was why I felt a little out of place.
Later in the day one by one we had to arrive in front of the staff to share what our intentions were for the week, especially for our three Ayhuasca ceremonies.
Well, this is gonna be weird, I thought. But one thing I had learned was I never supposed to lie or sugar coat anything that I was going through.
The 9 person staff gathered round the wooden temple floor eager to meet all of us attendees one by one.
So tell us Jasmine.
Me: Oh you can call me Jazz.
What are your intentions for this week?
I gaze directly at the Shamans, one male, one female, both of which avoided eye contact and I thought that to be a bit strange.
I directed my attention towards the rest of the young staff. Here goes nothing.
I am here because God sent me to be here, that much I know, but I have no specific intentions for this trip other than to follow God’s will. My life as a human being is completely surrendered, there isn’t much personal, human desire in me left. I’m about emptied.
I could feel the constriction as I spoke. The truth, so directly wasn’t always the easiest for me to spit out. I still felt weird.
I could immediately see the waves of confusion overcome the room. Equal parts annoyance, confusion and disbelief swept over the faces of the staff.
I walk out of the temple and say goodbye.
Oh boy what a great start to a GrrRReeaatt week.
You see, it was my understanding that my journey in Cusco would at least be my private journey. I would help Sabryna when she needed me, but that for a week ,I could stay to myself and not share anything about the journey I had been on with the rest of the 16 members of the group. Why? Because I was tired of sharing over the last year, and I really was looking forward to some quiet time.
Going back before that week, being around people who more or less, led normal lives had become increasingly more difficult when it was my time to speak up and make conversation. Normal questions like,
So what do you do for work? What’s your plans after this?
Could no longer be answered in normal human ways or else, it was me telling a lie. I was always on for having to tell the entire truth which was,
My human life revolves around my true essence now, which is God. My will is aligned with the will of God, so I have no plans other than to follow God’s Will now which is to aid the planet in awakening itself. I live in the moment at all times awaiting the next set of instructions on what to say, where to go, and what to do.
Now for seriously, how does that sound to the average human being?
Does it matter how people receive what I tell them? No. But the whole truth was, it still mattered to me.
In the first ceremony by dear Mother Ayhuasca and the rest of the non-physical crew, I was told just how not quiet I would have to become in the next several days.
First Ayhuasca Ceremony
We are all on our mats on the floor, in a beautiful wooden log cabin perched on the side of a mountain and little river. It was 7:30 pm, and the plant medicine Ayhuasca, is blessed by the Shamans and one by one we are called up to receive our cup of Psychedelic tree bark tea.
About 15 minutes later, one by one the people that had taken the medicine start purging. That is what the medicine does, it helps to remove fear based blockages of the mind that have caused physiological and energetic blockages within a persons system over time. The removal happens through the persons willingness to let go which causes the purging and sometimes spending some intimate time on the toilet.
Ayhuasca is the most intimate, raw and primal experience one can go through when it comes to using Psychedelics as tool for healing. Eighteen people in a room on the floor throwing up into buckets, and at some point, half of them, running to the bathroom with the runs, where everyone can hear every belch, spit, fart and toilet explosion. I suppose, really got to be suffering in your normal life in order to appreciate the power of Mother Ayhuasca. Just to just show up, takes a next level of transparency and bravery.
Just when I thought maybe the medicine wasn’t working, the Shamans started to sing whats called the Icaros and I could suddenly feel the buzz. I tried to look up in the darkness scoping out each person individually in the room, just taking a peak at their silhouette and it wasn’t long before all of the visions that I’d been seeing over the last eight weeks were flashing before my eyes, now in greater detail.
Visions I’d had yet to share with all of you here.
I was due to leave to go on an on foot trek across the country from West to East. In the vision, I embark along on my pilgrimage on route 66, and I saw the fire that I would run into, it’s a house fire. House or houses, I couldn’t tell. The house is lit up in flames and unrecognizable and one by one I grab children, and a mother out of a fire blazing house until the house was empty and everyone had been rescued and not a scratch was left on my unscathed, burn free body.
In the next vision, I saw the car accident and the human death of Judas play again for maybe the 100th time in my head but now more clearly, I see him lying there, being taken off of life support and I lean over to kiss him with my tears.
Breathe with me Judas, just breathe, I whisper.
With one hand on his head and one on his heart I lay on his chest imitating the sound of the rise and fall of my own lungs. Eventually his rises and falls and he breathes to the rhythm of my breath. In and out we breathe together, and in that moment the physical oneness of our union collides with the nonphysical unity that our souls were always eternally part of. Judas dies and then lives again.
Then, the next vision begins and I see my wedding ceremony for the fifth time in more detail, my custom tailored dress hugging my pregnant baby bump as I walk down the aisle towards Judas and Jesus at the Basilica of Saint Maximin la Saint Baume in the South of France. Walking down the aisle to much more than just a wedding, I knew that I was walking into history being rewritten.
As I laid there, I said yes to every vision I saw as I always had before.
I see. I thought. I get vague visions of what is being asked of me long ahead of time, then I see the vision in more detail, as a final time to CONFIRM that I am indeed agreeing to step into all of this before it physically manifests regardless of whether it comes “true” or not. I look up to the wooden beams of the ceiling and say in my head, I told you the first time. Your will and mine, are one. There is nothing that I won’t do, and nothing that I won’t say…. I am willing to die if that is what it takes, or live, knowing already, the possible play out of my own death.
God replies back with,
See that Guy over there he’s sitting in front of your cot? One of the facilitators, we’ll name him Jake, was quietly sitting right in front of me, seeming to keep his eye on me.
Tell Jake that the Aliens will be showing themselves somehow this week.
Me: Big G, You’re kidding me right now right?
God: You know me better than that, I’m not kidding, go on tell him.
So I do it. Of course Jake looks at me like I’m the Alien.
(The next ceremony, a woman later reports being taken over by an alien for the majority of the ceremony, I’ll explain that more in the next post.)
Okay, now tell Jake that God will make an appearance by the end of the week. Someway somehow, God is going to show up. Tell him that.
Oh my God I think.
In half sobs I say it to Jake.
God will show God’s self by the end of the week, I’m supposed to tell you.
Jake gives me the same blank stare that he’d given me the first time I had mentioned the Aliens.
Who knew my first night of Ayhuasca would be a series of God playing Simon Says.
Well Fuck me.
God: Oh we aren’t done.
Now, go over to that woman facilitator Fayla. and tell her the following.
I put my arms in front of Fayla, a beautiful Peruvian woman, passionate, and cultured but still training and not as experienced. I say, I understand that this will not make sense to you, but I am going through the process of becoming God in a body.
Okay. She gives me one of those I heard this one before looks, Please go sit down and stay with your own experience. It was clear she didn’t understand….duh.
Okay, it’s very important that for what is happening to me, you tell the Shamans what I just told you, so that their powerful Icaros can be attached to this experience of whats happening to me. I just cringed at the thought of how that sounded.
I’ll tell them in the morning she says, I wasn’t getting anywhere with this lady and I’m well aware of I sounded, but God meant business.
I found myself having to go up to her a second time to tell her once again, after several attempts, she reluctantly agreed to tell the Shamans what I had told her.
As I laid back on my cot I was sure I’d now be able to rest some.
Well no. I didn’t rest. God kept up with the instructions.
Tomorrow you have to tell everyone here who you are and what I’ve told you of what’s to come in 2020.
I knew what that meant and I started to cry, there was no doubt that everyone heard my sobs in the dark. I could tell that these were people that heard the word “God” and it would send shivers down their spine, let alone the word “Jesus/Yeshua” or “Christ.” And it was no ones fault. People my age had been so heavily conditioned by thousands of years of a violent message masked with religion and the damage that much of Christianity had done meant words like that posed a threat. Or, they simply weren’t into the whole God thing.
I wailed in disbelief like a nine year old.
I have to tell them tomorrow Sabryna, I don’t want to, I loudly sobbed in uncontrollable hiccups, She held my hand tightly as I repeated my self over and over.
She joined me in my tears. It’s Okay, Jazz, you will tell them. It is Okay.
Sabryna, I have to tell them everything. I have to tell them everything. They aren’t going to believe me.
Everything meant everything.
Telling who I was meant that Jasmine was Mary Magdalene and Mary Magdalene was Jasmine. That I was Yeshua’s wife. That part of my Christ process was being put on display deliberately for the 16 of them as a part of their journey back to who they are. That as the Divine Feminine counterpart, it was my responsibility to aid in initiate the Second Coming of the Christ, our own Love Revolution to start in 2020, that will aid in the individualized awakening of the entire planet, starting with all of them. That the Bible was not truth and that Christianity will have no choice but to unravel the full truth that they have been hiding for so long to keep people controlled and in fear. That the Catholic church and all of its hundred of years of damage will crumble. And lastly, the most important thing of all, that God, love is what we are, and that there is nothing to fear but to become aware of who you have always been. That Heaven is here. They are God, I am God, and God is love.
I knew in sharing this, the entire tone of my trip would change, more for me rather than anyone else and I had only been there one day.
One fucking day.
The next morning after crying for the majority of the night and early morning, my eyes were crisp red with tear ducts so puffy I was unrecognizable. I kept sunglasses on for most of the morning.
During group share, the time we had to share our first Ayhuasca experience from the night before, I asked to go last. As I shared, and it became time to say things like GOD, you could feel the fear and confusion rise up in the majority of people’s faces. Just as I expected. I could see the facilitators in complete disbelief like they had been the night before. And when I said Yesuas’s’ wife, and the Second Coming of the Christ, oh boy, you could even further feel the confusion, the fear and disbelief.
However there were a few in the room, just a few whose hearts were listening. And in those few were the Shamans. The female Shaman started to cry, as I reviewed the scene later, I could see it in her face that she believed me, but it was more than that, but I didn’t know what it was just yet that accompanied her belief.
I at least left there feeling relieved to have that much off my chest. But I wanted to dissapear, hide in the cave of my room for most of the trip after, and for a few days I did just that.
The Second Ayhuasca Ceremony
But here was Tuesday night and it was now time for the second ceremony. I’m really exhausted, please no more Simon says God, please. I couldn’t bare the thought of having to utter another sentence of something no one would believe. The whole experience was bringing back such painful attempts to include some of of my family members into the process of what was happening to me, but I got shot down by their confusion and disbelief, and my own. That Tuesday, I was feeling so human and so raw, and I was feeling so spent at the beginning of that second ceremony.
I found out later at the end of the second ceremony a woman said that an alien had inhabited her being for quite sometime during the ceremony. It asked her to do strange things like take her socks off, it asked her about wiping her butt after going to the bathroom with toilet paper, and how human beings are so peculiar with their need for such order and structure.
I hadn’t told her about my announcement to Jake, it had been less than 24 hours since I said that to Jake the night before.
Anyway , the second ceremony was lighthearted, just like I had asked. As I laid and listened to Icaros after Icaros sung like a beautiful mashup by both Shamans, my body was dancing around, but I wasn’t the one moving my body. It was God. One limb would sway left to the sound of the Icaros, then a leg, then my tummy would pop up from my cot and round and around my body went. It was so strange to watch my body move without being the one to make my body move. I looked around and I didn’t see this happen to anyone else but me. Eventually my body ended up in the middle of the floor as I went with it. I knew what this moment symbolized.
Thats exactly it, God is breathing me, all I have to do is get myself (my ego) out of the way. God is just giving me a harmless, lighthearted example of the power of doing nothing.
The message of the dancing of my body parts was just this.
Jazz, life is an effortless, organic dance. Allow the flow of God to course through your veins, and watch your life unfold without even trying.
God doesn’t try, God simply is.
Then I got a taste of something I had wanted to be a part of for so long.
Suddenly my vision went from the room, to white Parthenon pillars beyond me. In between the pillars there was a presence that was focused on me and I knew that the presence was me. I could see it with my eyes closed or open. In the darkness, between the pillars, I knew this was to be God communicating with the human me.
Jazz are you ready to completely leave your body and have a taste of what it feels for God to flow through?
Yes, I am ready.
First, its time to purge, go on and grab your bucket.
I continued to do nothing. and Mother Ayhuasca, a beautiful aspect of God that I’d never become aquatinted with until now, did the purging for my body, all I had to do was get my head to the bucket.
Instantly after I felt a familiar feeling, the feeling during a Kundalini experience when my body would feel like it is being painlessly shocked with electricity. Except for the sensations were not just through the center of my body up and down my Chakras, the strong static was pulsating through every cell, every vein and every artery, especially at the top of my head. It was as if the me was the 6-7 feet circumference around my body, and my body below me was being worked on with this same energy sucked in the vortex or eye of this energy. The body was an after thought it was not me. The warm electricity continued to pulse and the feeling was heavenly, I didn’t want it to let up.
I could tell I hadn’t energetically entered into complete oneness or Samadhi just yet. Samadhi is when you become the everything of God, the identity of you dissolves and you leave your body altogether, entering into total awareness. I could tell that by what was happening to me energetically, this was on the road to what Samadhi felt like.
Right after this experience I saw the blurred shadows of the Shamans pass in front of me as I lay there on my cot. They were passing me by like clips on a old Mickey Mouse reel. Their passing by was to validate once again the invalidity of all of this.
And what do I mean by this?
This illusionary existence that we so desperately cling to. I could see as they passed me by, they were dancing along with the poem I had heard in my head.
Life unfolds in the dance.
Watch the flower spiral.
Watch the flower dance towards the sun.
All of Life is the dance.
Just let go.
The Shamans were telling me not to worry, they were reassuring me that they understood what I needed. But it was more than that. They were saying.
We knew you were coming Jazz
We know why you are here Jazz
But you must know it without needing our reassurance.
You must be your own reassurance.
And that was exactly the message I needed to hear. The Shamans were telling me that I had to step into what I knew to be true without a single soul on the outside giving me the confirmation that I secretly longed for. And the world would not catch up until I did this on my own, over and over again.
I left that night thankful, so thankful for them and so thankful of the clarity.
Gracias. Gracias. Gracias.
I slept soundly that night, ready for what the rest of the week would bring.