A Walk in Miracles: Death Fear Outta’ Here

I started my day 2 days ago in San Bernardino, and walking towards what I thought was the Cajon Pass. Well fifteen miles in the wrong direction, I ended up on 38 going to the mountain pass of Big Bear. But let me tell you, there were Orange Groves, and I played in them, and ate some oranges. It was Marvelous. But I was still pretty Blah by the time I realized I was lost.

My phone had no service, and I decided that I wouldn’t walk another mile in either direction, and what a great time it is to ask for a miracle. I thought.

Alright God, I totally get the meaning of getting lost. The Orange Groves I saw along the way were just breathtaking. But now, I’d like a ride back to where I’m supposed to be. A ride from a persons whose energies will have good intentions for me. Send him my way

As I stand there on the side of the road, with no cell service, I decided it was a great time to rearrange my book bag. Within 2 minutes of my miracle request, A man on a AV go cart type thingy rides up next me.

Hey, you okay, you need a ride somewhere?

His appearance was innocently scruffy, as if he’s been working hard as a mechanic or something all day, and I felt his energy. It was pure, warm, and loving. I looked behind him to see 3-4 kids riding a long with him on Av’s.

Ed: I’m taking the kids riding for a bit, and I’ll be back in 30 if you want to get some rest in my truck right there, its open.

Ayo on that timing God.

As Me and Ed get chatting on the way to the Cajon pass, it turned out he worked at a Unitarian Church.

How perfect a miracle indeed.

We stop at the Mcdonalds. by the 15 at the Cajon pass, going to Victorville.

I don’t know how to get you to rte 66 over here because its so rundown and broken up on this side.

Are you sure you don’t want a ride over the Cajon pass?

I heard Gods instructions, they were clear.

No, thats okay, thank you. The human part of me feeling like I was kicking myself in the nuts by passing up a 20 mile ride to my destination.

I buy him an ice cream cone to say thank you.

Here Ed, this is for you.

He smiles and takes a big slurp and gives me a big bear hug. The ice cream cone hanging onto his beard.

Jazz, your story, and what you’re doing, it had an impact on me, It gave me hope that there are still good people out there, thank you.

I felt the warmth from that and gave him one last hug. It was clear that getting lost for fifteen miles, was all to meet this man. I set out for more mystery feeling the tests weren’t over for the day.

As I approach the 15, looking for a street to possibly pararell the 15 to Victorville, I see nothing but the 15 at the Cajon Pass.

Go on, start walking on the freeway. Your destination is Victorville.

But its illegal to walk on the freeway. I’m sure of it, are you SURE about this, is this ego talking? I could die ya know.

No, just walk on the freeway till further notice.

I look up at the sky. 4pm, one hourish before sunset. I had become very familiar with the dance of the sun through out the day being outside all day.

What if someone has a gun? What if they drag me in the car?

All natural human fears that most people would have walking along a freeway especially as a female.

I land on the freeway and feel the fear. Heavy heavy fear. I see visions of person after person, stopping on the road to ask if I’m okay. And many people stop to see if I’m okay in realtime, and I politely wave them off.

You can ask for a ride now.

Wait what? I thought I’m to walk and not get rides?

Oh its more about what will happen on this trip not so much about whether you walk the whole way.

The next person that stops, you can say yes to getting a ride.

The information I had just heard to say yes to a ride in that moment, didn’t feel quite right. It felt more like a thought, rather than info from God. But when your body is sore, and you’re on your 25th mile of walking for the day, I without realizing it, just assumed it was correct information when it was really EGO, trying to trick me.

Within a minute someone else pulls over.

I could feel his surges of energy in my body as he rolled down his window. His energy was not evil or anything like that, but it wasn’t like Ed’s, it didn’t feel like energy I’d want to get into a car with.

And yet I’d just heard, the next person that pulls over, say yes to a ride? Well, he’s the next person. So now, I was confused. I figured if it was wrong information and I shouldn’t go with him, I’d get a sign, to not get in the car.

Hey you need a ride?

I stutter, to Victorville only if you are going that way.

I said it half confused, cause it just seemed like something was off.

He gives me a sneaky smile like we shared some secret together or something.

Oh, you looking to make some quick cash?

You want to take care of this for me?

He proceeds to unbuckle his pants,

My hearts racing now, the sun is just about set.

I wave him off and profusely shake my head.

NO No NO NO. I’m good!

He speeds off in a hurry, and I feel the wave of the fear of my worst case scenario leave me.

That’s exactly it, this whole thing was a fear I had played in my mind a million times before stepping out on this journey. Being accosted by someone in a deserted area with no help in sight. Or, being hit on the freeway.

I realized I had just healed one of my largest fears being out here. I immediately felt the surge of energy that had been tied up, zoom out of me.

Another thing Jasmine. The ego you made is here to test your devotion to me. That advice to hop into the next car that pulled over was NOT God.

You’ll always know by the way you FEEL. You can feel in the advice of the peace of God even if its something that you as a human don’t want to do, you can FEEL that is the right thing to do by the amount of peace you FEEL. Always listen to the feeling first behind the words.

Within 10 minutes, highway patrol is pulled up next to me.

I found myself in a cop car for the first time, kinda like a little kid on a trip to the Please Touch Museum. cool!

I wasn’t in trouble, he was just getting me off the freeway.

There is a road that runs parallel to the freeway called Mariposa and it goes all the way to Victorville. I’ll take you to that road.

I’m not sure how many miles it had been by the time I was done, but it was 9pm by the time I had a room, and I assumed that the next day would be an easy 20 mile day with a hotel room at the end of the day.

I was very very wrong.

The next set of death tests were presented the next day. All stuff needing to be healed once again.

I woke up, check my account baclance $50 or $60 dollars, I knew that I needed to eat, and after Victorville anyway, there may not be hotels for a while.

I start my walk very cheerful, passing church after church, and feeling ready for the day as the sun rises up between the mountains.

10 hours later around 5pm, there was nobody. I was in a town called Hodge, population 1,100 30 miles from where I had started in the morning in Victorville.

I’m just surprised. I’m suprised that after getting lost yesterday, the freeway, a 40 mile plus walk that this would be the next day.

I start to cry, more like sob.

Yeshua/Jesus, I need you, Judas I need you to help me.

More tears, more sobs.

Yeshua and Judas in consensus reply back. This is the part Jasmine, that you must do on your own. We are here. You don’t need anything outside of you to realize God. You are it. You are your own help.

It was loving, but very firm.

I just feel like my whole life I’ve had to be the tough one, the one to be in charge and take care of all of it and everyone. I just thought that after Peru being so challenging I would get this grande finale experience of something that sounded like: let me take a load off you, put your feet up boo. I thought I’d healed most of my shit. I guess not.

So, I ask in that moment for another miracle. Here’s how I worded it.

Send me someone or something to let me know at least that even though you cant help me, send me comfort.

2 minutes later in the dark a young man not looking like he belonged to a town of 1000 pulls his jeep over.

You lost you okay, you need a ride?

No I’m okay thank you. Knowing I was supposed to walk.

Well hey, take a bottle of water.

I perk up a bit as her reaches behind him for the water. He hands it to me and I look up to see what hes wearing.

A Philadelphia Eagles hat and jersey all decked out in party beads. I look down at my Philly Drexel U sweater

He I’m from Philly, what are the odds, theres no one out here! where you’d come from?

We laugh, and he goes on his way.

In truth, I knew exactly where’d come from. I’d been sent a little comforter, a little miracle to help soothe me.

By 6:30, I couldn’t walk anymore. My body was locking up from the cold and I could feel the aches and pains from all the lactic acid build up. there seemed to be about one house every quarter mile.

If I pick a desolate area to sleep where you cant see me from the road, then no one will bother me. I thought.

I get the confirmation from God that that’s okay and I go off to the side and down a bit so that if you were driving by you couldn’t really see unless I stood up.

I found 3 large tumble weeds creating a perfect triangle for me to sleep between. I throw on all my layers, gloves face mask and socks, and find my emergency sleeping bag which is a sheet of metalic paper. I lay down on the cold rocky ground, sweeping as many pebbles away as I could, still crying but feeling a little more comforted. I look up.

The sky caught my sobs dead in my tracks. The moon and stars was illuminating the tumble weeds around me like a night light. I lean my head up to look around, beyond my bushes just wide open space and the open sky.

I lay there with an aluminum sheet wrapped around me pretending to be an emergency sleeping back, with moments of talking, moments of feeling afraid that I was all alone in the dark, and other moments of maybe falling asleep. I feel the presence of God all around me and through me. One of those nights were you say, “Oh I didn’t sleep at all.” Because it felt like it but most likely you weren’t lying there for eight hours straight. I was often woken up by the train passing by, and someones roosters, that yelled all night.

Cock a dooddle doooooo!

Around 1 am, I had to pee. that was the worst. Trying to readjust my body back into warmth after getting out of my cocoon. I felt my clothing, my sweater and socks were pretty wet. I guessed it was from the condensation of sleeping in aluminum foil all night.

I was all cried out by the time I fell asleep, and I woke up to the crack of light hitting the sky.

It’s morning? I’m still alive? I made it? It’s really morning?

I reach over for my water bottle. Frozen.

I grab the front of my book bag and my shoes and a layer of frost were on both. I take my had out of my glove just for a few minutes and I could feel the pain and redness start from the cold.

Another fear of mine had been sleeping outside, especially in the cold. Despite my exhaustion, once again I feel the surge of energy that was tied up from the fear come back. My body had nothing left, but my mind was healed from the fear. And now I felt that it was time for Jasmine to whine some about what to do next.

Its now 6:30 am. With still no money and miles away from the next stop, Barstow. I was hungry, my back was sore from my backpack and I was still very sleepy. I also heard no further instructions other than, get to Barstow. Considering I didn’t have any money, my guess was I’d be walking till I dropped again and sleeping outside for round two.

I feel like I healed that fear, but if I gotta do it again, I will.

I trudged along, less tears, but with a lot of breaks. The sun seemed cooler to me than it had in the preceding days and I realized it was because I was elevated by 2000 feet.

Along my arrival to Barstow, I walk another 7 miles to the area where the hotels are. God says to check my paypal before moving through the area with hotels. I do and my dear friend Michael from my zoom group How To Become A Christ, had sent me money for a hotel and I didn’t even realize it. And it was a good thing that I hadn’t checked, because it would’ve changed my ability to heal what I needed to heal, plus there weren’t any hotels near me the day before to walk to.

I laugh. What a show!

Death is simply not possible.

I realized that I truly was willing to die for this journey, for coming home to God, in full knowing that life is eternal. And in order to let God in fully, living those words was a requirement on this journey. I realized each step I took physically, I took a step mentally too. I knew I hadn’t healed the death death completely, but it was a start.

All of this death fear stuff was covering my awareness of the Kingdom of Heaven. It simply isn’t of this world. And I came here, to walk this walk from east to west, to let go of all of the beliefs that were no longer me.

It’s the purpose of this lifetime of mine, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am fully Human, becoming aware to the truth that I am also fully God.

Will there be more tears? Yes says my humanness, and God also says, Yes! Embrace the tears, love them! Love all of it, for I am all of it!

And Jasmine says, bring it on, all of it.

All of the tests, all of the challenges, all of the opportunities to meet dead in the face all of the blocks that I have up to the awareness of God, to the awareness of Love.

Let’s clean house.

Bring it On Baby,

Oh and God, I’d like to negotiate a real sleeping bag though if I have to sleep outside again.

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: