As our experience continued, God had a lot to say through my body. There were moments were God was mostly gentle and then there were moments where I could tell the words were cutting Lucifer deep through Michael.
The pain of the abortion came in like a wave in his energy field. I felt in my body what he was experiencing outside of the tent. Lucifer moaned in pain and the deepest feeling of despair came through. It seemed to be too painful for him to totally go into, so it wasn’t the full experience of it. And then the energy coming through it switched to something else.
God: My Michael, you’ve been forever a caregiver. Without knowing, you’ve been hiding behind caregiving in the world to avoid God. You’ve been hiding behind being loving instead of becoming the love itself.
Sometimes the truth of God can feel like cuts that run deep.
I had noticed that about Michael from long before focusing so heavy forever on his family and so many people around him. On the surface it seemed naturally loving, and yet Lucifer’s energy was truly the one mainly behind it, and there was another energy behind it that I would become later aware of in posts to come. As I spent weeks with him, Michael was pulled away on the phone into hour long conversations, with a list of people emotionally and some physically dependent on him. His day was ran by having many others lean on him in a codependent, unhealthy way. And the ring leader energetically that he was pulled in by, was his mother and it had been that way for years.
Day after day Michael would consume himself with taking care of others and had become as a indirect way to avoid healing and caring for himself. I sat to think of the entire world’s energy. That’s how we’d been taught to love. We’d been taught to love through fear, guilt, obligation and codependency. Fear based love which wasn’t love at all.
When it came to me that night, I could feel my own battles of fear. I knew that parts of Lucifer would come home to God that night, and that I would need the help of Martha and Lazarus’ energy to help him back into the tent in order for that to happen, so I called on both of them to join us in Spirit. As I trembled with the light of the just the stars above me and walked towards Yeshua, still laying down, now his one foot outside of the cross circle. God looked back at the cross and wanted to sing. I opened my mouth and a melody I’d never heard sounded more beautiful than anything that I had ever had sung began to flow through me.
Yeshuaaaaa …..come home to God
Over and over I sang and then the words changed to.
Michaelllll….. come home to God.
By that time I had my hand on his heart. He was smiling, and cooing from the sound of my voice. And God wanted me to continue.
Luciferrrr come home God.
I continued to sing Luciferrrrr until I could really feel the love pouring out from my words in the same way when I sang Yeshua. I could feel the pieces of pain that Lucifer was ready to surrender, they were all now being cradled by God. My body was vibrating, and feeling the love of Lucifer stronger than ever.
Lucifer: Sometimes, the love from you, becomes overwhelming. Its so strange that the one thing Ive longed for, the love of God, turns out has moments of feeling unbearable. Like a vampire being left out in the sun. Its like I can only handle it in doses.
When my Yeshua/Michael made it back to the tent, it was Lucifer I laid next to. I held him, and wrapped my body around him. We talked for hours. As he spoke, I could feel so much love coming from him. It wasn’t Yeshua in those hours, and it wasn’t Michael. It was Lucifer.
We held each other the rest of the night.
Cold, tired, and in love.
A few days after our wedding night, I was instructed to watch a specific episode of Xena: The Warrior Princess. I haven’t gone into Xena much I realize in these blog posts, but the show growing up, I had a very very close connection to, specifically the character of Xena and the actress Lucy Lawless. Long before I knew anything about my purpose, I literally felt as a kid that I was watching myself, and my own life play out before my eyes. Sure there were Warlords and Greek Gods, but I could see past that to the symbolism behind the show. If you aren’t a Xena fan, well bare with me.
So like many times before in my journey, I was told to watch a specific episode, and that whatever was in the episode, had to do with the baby to come, Lucy. This particular episode that I watched, is when Xena and Gabrielle are nailed to the cross side by side by Caesar and they die. Jesus/Yeshua who is called Eli in the show, ends up taking the bodies of Xena and Gab off the cross to a cave. Meanwhile, Their spirits go to Hell, and to save Gabrielle, Xena volunteers herself to go to hell to bring her back to Heaven. There, she sees Callisto. Now, Callisto plays the role of Antagonist, the role of Lucifer so to speak, pretty much throughout the series. Xena finds herself volunteering to stay in hell in Callisto’s place and become a demon to free Callisto from her suffering. So now Callisto’s soul is redeemed, she is an angel. Callisto now an angel, and The Christ, Jesus through immaculate conception, impregnate Xena with the reincarnation of Callisto’s Spirit.
I had become suspicious about it for the last few days and my suspicions were right. Lucy would be the reincarnation of Lucifer, but only once Lucifer comes into the energy of the Christ fully. In other words the world was ready for the brightest fallen angel in the dream of the world, to come home to god. And the way that that would happen, would be me playing a role in fully embodying the energy of Lucifer, to embrace all of the despair, all of the cut off energies that are separate from God. There was such suppression collectively within the Divine Masculine, that it would be the receptivity and energy of allowance from the Divine Feminine that would fully embody it.
How much easier would it be to have the Buddha, another Dali Lama be the leader of a new world? But by having it be Lucifer, what this meant, was it was the ultimate forgiveness lesson for the world. To see that what appears to be the most dark, actually has the opportunity to brings about the most light. And from that, Lucifer would be reincarnated as Lucy, the female name for Lucifer, both meaning bringer of light. Was the world ready to look at all of its projections that we ball up and call dark and evil, and see it as lost and on its way home if we were ready to forgive and extend all of what we are to it? The answer is yes, I realized that now in 2020, thats what everyone is ready for, to fully embrace their light, as they embrace their dark. Everyone was ready to forgive what we made starting from the inside.
Once Lucifer returned home to God, this would be the unification of Yeshua/Mary and Lucifer, as one, expressed through a baby. The full embodiment of light and dark, superseding any kind of power preceding it in the eons before. My Yeshua in this lifetime volunteered to take on the energy of Lucifer as a part of his human and Christ experience. To embody fully Yeshua, and Fully Lucifer. He did this for the world, and also he volunteered to do this for my own Christ journey and for the Divine Feminine. The truth was I was coming home to still loving those aspects of myself. I still had fear. It wasn’t until that fear was gone would my Yeshua and Lucifer return home to me.
February 27th 2020
Tomorrow is February’s Shabbat at Shanti and we are headed back up there for a few days. Tomorrow the energy of Lucifer has full permission to come through me and beyond that, I’m uncertain what will happen. Just as I’ve surrendered to the light, I’m fully ready to surrender to its seemingly opposite. Embracing the darkness is what it is to fully embody that there is really, only one of us here.
The Journey of Forgiveness
The world was finally ready to realize that that hatred, judgement, anger, and that desire to run away from God has always been one thing. Suffering. Pain of living separately from God. I was ready to make it all mine to forgive. I was ready to not make it someone else’s. And once I did, My Rye Rye, My Lucifer, My Lucy, would come home to me. Lucy would be the bringer of the twilight, the bringer of a new dawn for the world. Her light would remind others of what was always their own to begin with.
The darkness nights bring the brightest stars. -John Green