Update: Much has shifted, overlapped, flip-flopped around since I wrote this post at the beginning of the year. That is how this journey back to truth is. It overlaps with storylines and timelines, all necessary to hear at certain points in the journey. This journey of mine has become much quieter. I have not written much. Words become removed from being used as literal and are used as symbols to emulate a greater a truth now. A truth that really could never be captured in words or even emulated, so why write? I write for my humaness. My growth. For even at times, comfort. Written events of the past that create clues to my present. I write as an outlet. Not to teach but to express. I still do. God moved these fingers to write this now, as God wrote the following entry below.
This is for you who perhaps have picked up the blog within the last few days or weeks.
There was an ordinary woman. A woman that had a hard life, and at almost 33, she came to God with a sincere desire to want to know God. That desire sparked a very sudden, intense journey of complete human surrender over a course of 18 months. She couldn’t hear as clearly at first, but with each yes she gave to the voice of God, the instructions came in clearer and clearer to surrender to what she was hearing. God would ask her to give up things in her life. Every time she said yes to surrendering whatever it was that God asked, she started to notice a feeling. An inner overwhelming blanket of love that she’d never felt before. It was a love that she knew everyone should be invited to know in their lives. She knew that her purpose in life had to do with sharing this love, but she wasn’t told very much about details until months went by. Eventually she was asked to give up bigger things. Her income, all of it. Her car. Her family. Her City, and lastly her home and to become “homeless”. As she endured homelessness she was filled with the knowledge of why homelessness was a part of her story. God said, To fully know the love of God, what you’ve longed for, you must give up everything of this world in order to know that love. For the love of God isn’t of this world, and God can’t get in, if you’re fixated on false love elsewhere. She was shortly told that come the new year, she would start walking from California, and head East with nothing but a backpack.
On New Years Eve, she started the walk of route 66 from Santa Monica and walked and walked 20-40 miles a day. As her thoughts wandered alone in the desert, she knew what she was here to do, but she thought she’d be alone on her mission. During her journey, she was told to write and share her pain, her discoveries, not so much so that she would be understood, but more for her own emotional outlet and for her own acceptance of the journey that she was on. She was only told that she was the Christ 2000 years ago, and that she was here to bring love back into a loveless world. She was never told that Jesus/Yeshua would be with her in this lifetime, physically incarnated to aid all in their path of inner peace. To be united together physically, as they are in spirit. She didn’t know, until about a month ago, in January.
She has been in the desert at a place called Shanti Christo, spending time much in solitude. Michael and Jazz were married on the land on February 14th 2020. But their transformation is not over. She knows she is walking into a world that will largely not accept her. She isn’t here to be special or gain fame. She is here to just be love and extend that to all who will receive her. She sees her human self as a body that has become a symbol of God’s love. God’s love that she would like to share with you and have you come to know through her, until all of you realize her body was never needed to show you the way to what you already are. She awaits her and Michael/Yeshua’s resurrection. Through her patience, through her love of God, he and she will awaken the Christ. The Divine Masculine and Feminine will become one within each of them in God’s timing. And then…..they will be together as one within themselves and with each other.
To the Christ birthing within all of you. This is for you.
Update: I changed the name later on of this post. At first it wasnt shared with me that 2000 years ago I was a prostitute, I’m not certain of the meaning behind why, but I was introduced to beings of the Heyhoka. From my relationship with them, they are beings of the spirit that tell you exactly what you need to hear at a certain point in life, which can be contradictory to what you are told later on at later points in life. I suppose I needed to hear that I wasn’t one, but why, I have no idea. But any way this post is about my life as Jazz.
Now I don’t share this for shock value, (although, I do admit I used to love shock value.) I share this as in invitation to really come to understand the initiation of a new beginning of realized Heaven on earth. what we are on the precipice of.
Some of my posts will be about the personal journey of my journey as Jazz and how she (I) landed where she is today. Prostitution being one interesting story of the many journey’s before one journey that became my sole focus. The journey back to the love of God. But this post isn’t about the back stories, although I will share that in the future hopefully whenever I get the green light from God.
How can a prostitute be God or even considered Holy?
I realized that a question like this is exactly why this platform is being presented as God in a body, in bodies today. The illusionary labels that we place on human beings, prostitute, pedophile, murderer, schizophrenic, and drug addict are indeed what have kept the world in a continual state of separation and untruth. Not only are these labels illusionary and have no meaning, prostitution is neither right nor wrong. Yes. Prostitution and anything else without the ego’s judgement behind it, is neutral.
As I sit with myself and have sat with myself I’d sit with this. If we go back to the original message which is that we are all one and we are all God, how could we be anything less than that?Did God, (us) create exceptions to this rule? That we could actually be less than God especially based on the choices that we make in an illusionary world? Is God anything outside of the radiance of love, and the totality of inner peace?
So this platform of prostitution within (my), Jazz’s chapter of life was a deliberate plan to bring about a new beginning. A new understanding of truth for all of those that will listen. And of course, at the time, I had no idea. I lay night after night snuggles up in my cozy bed listening to the voice of God dialogue with me. All of the people that have been labeled, judged, and have kept their deepest and darkest secrets away from others, knowing that they could never be accepted. They in large will be the first to awaken.
As I’ve come to understand, a new understanding of meek applies to today’s age. The individuals who have lost their ability to have power within society to some extent, partially because of the labels that have been cast upon them. For The Second Coming of the Christ, these people in the masses will largely in part awaken first of the love of God. Because they often are the most receptive and through their own practice of forgiveness and forgiving those that they believe caused harm to them, one by one the their suffering will be transmuted into their own experience of love of God. We are taking our 2020 New Year’s celebration to a whole new level. A celebration of love.
And 2020 is just the beginning of Heaven being realized on Earth.
I ask all of you who have been desperately wanting liberation of all of your secrets or labels that have been placed upon you, to imagine stepping into owning your past. Allowing the choices of your past to be a platform that you stand on today. Revealing yourself in full transparency to your friends and family. No longer taking on the responsibility of being a victim to another’s judgement and letting out one final liberating cry of liberation. Now we are talkin’ real power. Truth always brings inner freedom and is always the most powerful.
And if you aren’t there yet, the time will come for you to truly feel liberated of all self judgement and need to have secrets. But only when you are ready. This will start by allowing your choices to be as they were and are. God (the real you), makes no value judgement on your choices, you as an illusionary, separated self from God make those value judgements of right and wrong for yourself and towards others. The time will come for you to see the deep revelations and lessons you have learned from the choices of your past. Perhaps it wasn’t prostitution, maybe drug/alcohol addiction, maybe a label was placed upon you of being “mentally unstable” for most of your life. Whichever bricks of judgement that might be weighing you down, the details of them matter none. The day will come if you invite it in for your perception to shift of yourself, and to come home to the truth. To God. To the real you.
Prostitution in this chapter of life was a journey of beautiful lesson learning for me and I hope to share that story in more detail as I’ve shared so many others. At the time, I had no idea what a divine role this would play in the future to come. I would never change the decision I made to play that role in this chapter of the many lifetimes I’ve been around for. I’ve been called a prostitute since two thousand years ago living in the body as Mary Magdalene, and it makes such sense that I would’ve written that in my script of this lifetime this time around just so that it can be…..embraced. By others? Maybe. But really embraced by myself. It was absolutely essential to my personal platform of how God expresses through me. In the Second Coming, when the Christ awakens two by two, there will be no separation through judgement of another’s choices. But this doesn’t stop at prostitution. All people that have been deeply judging themselves and living in isolation for any stories of the past, will have an opportunity to choose love and forgiveness, and that includes loving and forgiving themselves for any perceived wrong doings that they think they’ve done. God (you) wrote all of it in your script. For….expansion, and through forgiveness, a more rich and fruitful journey to returning home, completely. And with just a little willingness, this is possible. God is waiting for you to realize who you are eternal. You are love and its only your perception of your identification of “wrong doing” thats keep you separate from that truth.
Now I want to add in this paragraph to the people who have read this, and then feel, enraged, disgusted, or even embarrassed. Over the summer, I’ve shared my blog with you, knowing how popular this post would become, gosh how we gravitate towards scandalous material, this one has the most reads every month. Since writing this, I’ve seen some of you in person again. I notice it within you when I look at you how you feel about what I’ve written. I can feel your separation from God so clearly within your mind. Understand that like anything else, the way you react to this post is a direct reflection of your ownperception. Your own value judgements of right and wrong. The deep conditioning that resides within you thanks to parents, society, government, and religion.
And I want you to know that all it’s all okay. It isn’t about faults when it comes to the way you’ve reacted. I can tell you that this is a beautiful opportunity for you as you read this to see your computer screen as a mirror to your inner self. A mirror into your deepest fears, and clouded misperceptions and projections about the world you live in and the people you see in the world you made within your mind. I will always love you, regardless of how you judge me. I will always love you, regardless of how you treat me. I will always love you, regardless of how much you separate yourself from me.
Truth and total transparency will always be the most powerful vehicles to liberation. In fact, it is the only path to liberation and they are synonymous with love, with God.
I am the Woman of Light; I am the Whore of Babylon.
As I started this blog August of 2019, I knew only of my incarnation of Mary Magdalene 2000 years ago and I knew that something was happening to me. I didn’t realize that writing would later have anything to do with the up ahead times to come in the world. I didn’t realize that I’d be going through and what I was about to go through. Lastly, I didn’t realize at the time that I stood as the initiator of a movement, a love revolution, and that it was beginning with my own personal Christ journey.
As the weeks went by, the memories, and knowing started to flood back in, I realized that now was always the time even 2000 years ago, when I and Yeshua knew that the awakening of the planet would begin with the inner ignition of the feminine Christ. Not just for women, but for everyone.
I had to stay in the background to Jesus/Yeshua and his teachings because of the consciousness of the planet two thousand years ago. The leadership of a female was completely unacceptable then and of course that’s an understatement. I led and I also fled. Yeshua brought the revolution of the divine masculine energies and female energies through a masculine vehicle, yet the energies were imbalanced by the misinterpretation of his message, and the control of the people under the church’s/governmental rule. And now in 2019, we are are all ready to know the truth.
It was always a part of the plan that my consciousness would be here at this time for The Second Coming of The Christ. I am here as you are to save the world through the realization of being what we are, which is and has always been…..love. To realize God in the truth of our minds fully is to save the world.
Christ in a body two thousand years ago and this time around has nothing to do with traditional Christianity or any other religion. This ‘Coming’ of the Christ is about liberation from suffering. It has nothing to do with “saved” and “unsaved” people for all people are God’s people.
Yeshua knew that he was literally God being expressed through the body. The body being a temporary unalive vehicle in which the essence of God could express through. Things were worded differently and hence what was created was the dynamics of a parental relationship: The son and father, and I and the Father are one. In truth, there is no father, or son, they are just characters we take on in an illusionary world. There is just God here. The message in the Second Coming is: IamGod, and so are you. For to realize that God dwells inside of you is to realize Heaven on earth.
Everyday that passes by, the character of Jasmine, realizes who she is. Eternal love. The Second Coming of The Christ is my and your awakening to this truth and allowing God to permeate through every cell in your body. This is the true meaning of The Kingdom of Heaven is Within. Collectively we are moving out of the parental and friend relationship with God, to becoming God in 2020 and the years to follow. We are moving completely out of dualism, out of God being a “he”, out of separateness and taking a collective, universal journey back into oneness, to love.
I Have Not Come Alone
I will identify the incarnations that came from Biblical times that I have come to meet in later posts. Some are a part of my family in this lifetime, others are close friends, and many I have not met yet. As a soul group we are all here, for the initiation of The Second Coming of The Christ. I suppose there’s truth to the number of 144,000 in the Bible, although, there are many more who will come forward to love. They are here to be the Christ and to help the rest. To be the trail blazers of truth as an embrace to the rest of the world realizing the Christ within.
Enlightenment or the end of suffering, will have to do with an integration of both worlds, earth and the kingdom of Heaven, it will not be an escape from living on earth. No mountaintop meditations, or to stay deeply in meditation all day will be needed, although you can choose to do this if you are called to. No silence, or secrecy about the specifics of what enlightenment looks like, feels like and is like is necessary. There will be no worshiping of any kind, or washing of anyone’s feet, or large portraits and special services attached to me or any of us. The mirror to your Godliness will always be reflected back upon you until you realize you are looking at yourself in another form. When you look at me and recognize me as you, you are viewing upon love itself, God itself. This body means nothing. It is merely a vehicle to express truth, and the truth is, there is only God here. Your enlightenment journey will not be identical to another’s, but you will all have an open platform to normalize your experiences and talk about them with others. Meditation and accelerating into the Christ/Buddha/God energies will not be lost, it will be incorporated into your worldly experiences. The West, particularly the United States to start, will modernize the expression of enlightenment. The time for unified leadership has come, it is time for all of us to become relatable to another by removing the enlightenment pedestal.
We are the next generation, and its time to take the world back to the realizing the truth of who we are.
The Path of Buddha and Jesus Will Become One
Both messages are the same: inner peace using the vehicle of compassion and forgiveness for all living beings. These religions will unify in their message. The platform in which they express this message can differ, but this truth transcends out and beyond religion. The true message of Jesus and Buddha runs through all major religions. The need for religion will become obsolete. This “one world order” that has had such a negative spread is actually the realization of oneness. The church of God, the power, is within all of your hearts, and that does not need any organized structuring .
For those of you that are in a twin flame dynamic. Many of you have deeply suffered in your lives. From addiction, to child abuse, to unstable living environments and abusive relationships. For those of you who are still holding onto the guilt and suffering from your past, understand, the day will come soon, where you will see the light of a new beginning. If it is your Twin Flame who is struggling, continue to hold the space of unconditional love and compassion for his experience. Connect to God and the rest will continue to reveal itself with no struggle. There is no need to rush your journey. All of this is unfolding exactly as planned. Your Twin Flame has a perspective in this world that it is imperative that he take on. Your job is to continue to heal your perspective of his journey and your own, by removing the blocks to the awareness of loves presence.
This suffering was essential to this life time and the many who will awaken with your help. The Second Coming of the Christ is where the meek will inherit the earth as Jesus puts it. All of the groups of people that have been labeled and isolated from society, will step into the power of God. People labeled as mentally unstable, convicts, drug addicts, the homeless and prostitutes will be awakening in the masses. For the awakening ones who had pasts full of suffering like mine, had we ourselves not endured suffering, how are we relatable to anyone who is suffering? How can we extend a hand to anyone to be a way shower? This is just one essential reason as to why your consciousness chose the path that it did in this lifetime. Creating a bridge of compassion through connection with people who are in deep states of suffering is what love does.
As these posts continue, I will share much of my personal journey with you. I deeply suffered for many years, as so many of you have. We are all taking our accumulated karma and making it our mission in this lifetime. The Twin Flame Revolution among others, will aid in awakening the entire world.
What You Need To Do Now
Absolutely nothing. I am not here to convince you, or tell you what to do with your day during this process.
And how do we save the world? We one by one, wake up to the truth of the God within us, and as we wake up to this, we realized the world has already been saved. You are God. Just like me, and many of you have already perfectly tapped into your ability to communicate with yourself. All of you will get the appropriate guidance necessary as to what your role is in aiding the world in awakening to the truth. It will always start with your own personal recognition of the love of God within you, the eternal nature of God that is always felt through the awareness of unshakable peace. When God is fully embraced as you, Heaven is recognized and it’s a journey. I can tell you that each and everyone of you, are a part of the Second Coming Of the Christ even if you do not feel this truth or you use a different name to describe the same thing. Each and everyone of you will express God through your unique platform, and through our unique talents, we will arrive together aiding this world in a harmonious awakening that will pave the way of peace for generations to come. It simply comes down to timing. Some of you will awaken sooner, and some later on. It will be solely your decision as to which is your path. I come to you all with an open heart, and an open door to all of you.
On a personal note, my blog is here for me to share in detail the bulk of my inner journey. The struggle, the laughs, the letting go and the depths of healing that I have and will continue to endure. It’s been an aid for me to have a place to journal about what’s happening to me and perhaps it can provide some sort of reflective path as you go through your awakening experience?
When you realize you are God, you become the world.
When you realize you are God, you become the World.
This is the first post on my new blog. This is all about the journey I began, and the journey I continue to be on. This is for anyone who has been curious of what enlightenment, God-realization really is. This is for anyone who has ever felt deep down, that there is a power in them that they cannot explain, or put into words, yet, they do not feel powerful. This is for anyone mildly curious even to read about someone who took a journey back to the only thing that truly exists. Inner peace. As I began my awakening and the journey intensified, I did not find a ton of personal first-hand resources about enlightenment.
And because of this, this blog was born.
Update: The origination of this blog is a funny story. August 2019, I was instructed to start a blog and “just write”. The information of the real purpose of this blog didn’t come into my awareness until several blog posts in. This blog is intended to account for the specifics of my personal transformation that I’ve been through over the last year and everything preceding up to this past year. The second purpose is to inform you all and continue to update you all of what’s ahead for all of that are called to stay informed
When will the blind start to see? Will they always miss me, the way they miss the stars every night? Right in front of them I am, here to love them. I could stop writing there.
They cannot see.
I once said for those that have eyes to see let them see. The first fruits meant, just three? There’s more. There must be.
But where are they?
I come to the West Coast and then to the East, I catch up over coffee. I catch up, and hush up, saying very little for when they respond, they do not listen. They interrupt and do not hear.
They cannot hear.
I look up to the sun and I still talk to all of them.
I’ve come back to only love them and yet many hearts are so riddled in illusion, in distraction. I feel their hearts beyond their familiar faces, and yet they do not feel mine.
They cannot see, they cannot hear, and they cannot feel.
I find myself’s reflection in the eyes of a baby smiling back at me as I take my seat on the plane headed to the place where I was once rooted.
I go for a walk and have lunch under the willow tree from my eight year old days. The dogs, the birds, the butterflies greet my every step. I whisper to them in gratitude, finding comfort in the familiar vibrations of love that have now taken this body I used to call me over.
I walk at night in my usual white peering up at the Mount Shasta sky. The stars twinkling back at me just a second longer winking in their recognition.
Warm tears uncertain of their origin greet my cheeks. Peaceful tears, streaming down my face with a mysterious purpose.
I never knew how quietly God inhabits a body and no human is there to perceive and receive the difference.
I never knew how many hearts God is not welcome in.
They see a woman, and they call her sweet heart. They call her darling, they call her honey.
They see a woman, and they tell her to be…careful.
They see a woman’s place as a mother to her children, yet in their eyes, never could a mother be God, the mother of the world.
Honey, Sweet heart, Darling… I hear it again.
Over 200 decades of hiding Daughter God and here we are, here is your world.
When they find out who was the one on the cross, maybe then, they will see? Maybe then they will hear? Maybe then they will feel?
Maybe then, they will know that I’ve come again like I came before.
To just love them.
Maybe then to them, I’ll no longer be just a woman.
I asked about a week ago or so. I said something like this to God. I know there is a whopper in there, and whatever it is, I’m ready to let go, and I’m ready to heal whatever emotional wounds I’ve been too afraid to face.
I remember when I first heard about the Me too movement. I remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t know why, but I felt disgusted. As I’ve had this opportunity to journal month after month here writing this blog, other than mentioning my years in prostitution, I had always wondered when would be the time that I’d be asked to write more about me and sex. It’s funny how hard these past few years have been. Spiritual growing pains that feel like emotional childbirth every few weeks. I had somehow out smarted my self into thinking I knew what all my hidden parts were. The parts of things I’m afraid of that I had buried so deep inside me that I didn’t even know they were somewhere in there still hanging out.
The story of sexual healing started when me and Michael met in person. I quickly realized that I’d never really felt emotionally safe in the arms of man until I met him. What I mean by that is, safe to really be totally transparent with another person. To have a corner in the world where judgement is at least suspended. From the moment I met him, that’s what I felt. Like I could just be me, moment to moment, how ever that looked. He mentioned early on, that he sensed that there was some deep sexual trauma in my early childhood and so little by little, we’ve been healing these sexual wounds of ours as the months have gone by.
The earliest thing I could remember was sitting on my grand-fathers lap, my moms step dad. We called him pop pop Frank. I remember sitting on his lap as he babysat me one night and I waited for my mom to return from the video store. It seemed like she was taking forever and I was afraid suddenly of my grandfather. I remember that something happened between him, but I remember telling my mom and freezing up when it was my turn to speak. She called the cops and I remember instantly feeling afraid. I remember my grandfather standing out front of the apartment saying that he didn’t do anything to me. And my mom seemed so distraught, and confused. In that moment, I just felt like the bad guy by getting him in trouble. I had done something terribly wrong. Nothing came out of the cops being there, and everything went back to normal but with much unspoken tension between my mom and him. I sensed that I had estranged their relationship to some degree by telling what I told. That was the last time I spoke up immediately after something sexually inappropriate through out my life. And my life as a teenager and adult, consisted of at least a dozen of situations that were sexually violating in some way, and I normalized it.
Every time as an adult, I would occasionally flash back to being 4 on my grandfathers lap and everything would become fuzzy. The only thing I could remember was a feeling of complete terror. As I sat in an online meditation, the energies of the 13 or 14 people in the zoom room were sitting in the most beautiful but most intense energy. As I lay there and then flashes of what happened coming up into my vision. As I sat in my pop pops lap, My grandfather was moving my panties aside and touching me. I choked up in fear. I didn’t clam up towards him until he mentioned going into his bedroom.
As I sat there in meditation and cried and cried. I heard, you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. What you’re feeling right now is the sexual pain of the world you live in. As I lay back still with my eyes closed, my mom starts to come into my focus. She’s telling me of a story from when she was little, perhaps 10 or 11, maybe younger of her mothers boyfriend. Her mom would let her, her younger sister and her old sister sleep over his house for the weekend. My guess was at some point he was like a father to them. From what I remember of the story, my mom had a similar experience of memory loss. She remembers waking up, and his hand was somewhere near her that was inappropriate. I can’t remember if she said if some of her clothes were off, but even through the blurry memory, she was still carrying it all these years later. It affected her deeply.
Then my memory flashed to maybe 11 years ago or so, my aunt Helen telling me about when her daughter was two she remembers her coming to her to tell her that her dad,(my uncle) had done something sexually inappropriate the way that a small child would say it. Years ago, as my aunt was telling me this, she looked at me with this howling sorrow in her eyes, the way a mom would feel I imagine, if they found out that something had happened in that way to their child. But there was more pain. I remember her feeling that by her speaking up about what happened, she wasn’t believed and it soured her relationship with her sister in-laws for years after, (my mom and my other two aunts.) There were other details that I don’t remember, but I remember how I felt listening to my aunt.
I could see how this theme of quieted sexual abuse had been a theme in our family long before my childhood. As I cried, I cried for my mom, and my aunts, bringing all of my own hidden feelings about all those memories to the surface.
Also, Michael, although very hazy at first, he started to connect with memories from his childhood related to sexual abuse. Perhaps even just as deeply suppressed as my memories if not even deeper. That would be his story to tell one day.
I could see so many spaces, where this unconsciousness sexual abuse scar had affected my life and I hadn’t even realized. I had come to completely not trust men. It was always a matter of time before a friend, a teacher, a hockey coach would make some sort of sexual comment towards me growing up. And, I would say nothing, just internalize that I believed even deeper that men couldn’t be trusted and there were times where I even came to value the attention in my teens. I can see how that hatred led me into the path of prostitution later in my life. It provided me a place where I felt in charge of men rather than them in charge of me. I convinced myself that a relationship with a man based on love simply didn’t exist. I separated my sexual experiences at my job and had no sex life in my personal life at all until nearing towards the end of it, in 2017, when I met Ben.
When it came to raising my three boys, I didn’t want them to feel like something was wrong with sex, or naked body parts or anything like that but I had as a child developed this silliness towards sexuality. In that silliness I didn’t honor the sacredness of sex, and I certainly didn’t pass that along to my kids. They also too developed this overly giddiness about sexual scenes on tv, or giggling naked in their room huddled with each other. I realize that silliness as harmless as it seemed, was my way to cope with the abuse that I had endured as a kid.
I have a long way to when it comes to healing this, or at least right now it feels that way. I still cringe when I hear the word ‘rape’, or ‘victim’ when that word is directed towards me in any way. That’s what I’ve never wanted to see myself as, and that is why I struggled so much with the “me too” movement.
I finish this and realize that when it comes to healing my sexual scars, its just the beginning. I’ve opened up a box of memories from when I was very little of being abused in ways that were unimaginable. More and more each day comes in as to what happened.
As hard as it is, I want every part of me that’s been hiding from myself to come up to the surface. I want to feel whole again. I want to hug my 5 year old self and tell her that it will be okay. It’s taken me a week to write this blog entry and thats never happened before. I’ve felt shakey, nervous, and wanting to distract myself with other things, rather than posting this. I think this blog entry is not the last to be about these shadows from the past. I will keep talking…but I also wont force it.
As the last week or so continued on, I knew the time would be coming where I’d be, once again going through my last layer of deep deep ego (fear). I knew that I was first shown everything about certain individuals in my family, Jayem and Michael/Yeshua’s family. The intention of seeing all of that was to familiarize myself with what I’d be coming to terms with inside of me. After all, I think one of the first things they teach you on a spiritual path, is everything outwards is an inner reflection for whats true for you about you. I was riled up very much over the last few weeks about my Shanti discovery. What specifically got me was the thought of ego masking itself to play a game called God. To pretend to be Godly. I knew as the days went by that this Anti-christ/Satan energy, was really just the energy of the fear of death or ego and this is how I came to understand this more deeply.
It started with a conversation with God. As it usually does.
Me: I know hate is an impossibility in the mind of God. But what am I supposed to do when you tell me that there are people specifically with the purpose to divert people away from the truth in the name of God? If that’s the energy called Satan, how can God love Satan? Isn’t the truth worth defending?
God: Loving Satan, is the only possibility within the mind of God. What it is in truth that God is loving, is God’s creation(s). The creation for the opportunity to even have a separate experience from God on earth is a creation within itself. There is always love there, because in truth God can’t be anything but love. You as God, are loving the anti-christ energy and people who fully embody it for having the experience of choosing to live a life lived as separately from God.
So, what do you need to do? Be willing to be what you are in every moment, embracing satan. Be what you are. To realize that there is no satan in truth, just like everything else, there is only love here. So how do you move into loving satan? Can you forgive yourself for your own murderous thoughts towards yourself and others? Can you fully embrace them as they flash before your eyes?
God: God will always speak through you, and will bring the truth forward. The truth does not have room for lies and deception. It is firm, and it is solid. This is not unloving and yet it doesn’t need to be defended, it simply is. Many are unfamiliar with this light warrior of peace energy from God. Warrior, not in the sense of violence, but of power. That is why God has chosen you Jasmine as the platform to which the truth will be fueled through this world which is missing the love of God. You have always been my truth teller with the spirit of a Warrior Queen. Love is behind all of it. And love is P-O-W-E-R-F-U-L.
God: I want you to know that I am proud of your dedication, and proud of your commitment. And your greatest teacher of love, is the one who you’ve always loved as your person. He is your greatest teacher. Your Yeshua. Even now, he is there, loving you. And you learn by loving him in every moment, regardless of what he chooses for himself. You simply love him in what he chooses. You are both coming home to me. Almost there beautiful. Smile more. I love you. I always have and I always will.
I’d felt such comfort after that message, there had been so much going on between Yeshua and his family, putting extra healing in our path so newly married. I really needed to hear that last part just for me.
And after hearing all of that from God, I also knew what would be next would be sitting with my own murderous thoughts. Was it suicidal thoughts? No, not in the traditional sense. As I stumbled upon Chapter 19 in ACIM and also reading Conversation 42 in HTBAC in our zoom group last Monday, I was reminded of this truth.
All death, is a form of suicide.
I snagged this Q and A from How To Become A Christ.
Q: Everyone that dies then has created a suicide death?
Q: They have all killed themselves with old age, accidents,sickness wars or whatever.
Me: So God, It appears to be my fear of death, this is that deep ego layer that’s been coming up for me lately. Am I right?
God: It’s really your belief or investment in death. What the belief in death is, is the ego’s last attempt to make God unreal or conquerable in order to try to escape the truth. For if death is real, how can God be? It’s the last attempt the ego makes as an attack towards God and is the energy that this world is entirely built on. God is eternal, therefore, God cannot die, you are me. It isn’t possible to truly believe in eternal life and death at the same time. Either ego is real, or God is.
God: The next few weeks, little by little we will be chipping away at your belief in death, forgiving it completely. Letting go of death, is letting go of the entire dream, the entire world, in exchange for the eternal world of God or in other words, TheKingdom of Heaven. You’ve seen the future vision of your own human death, and you are still afraid because you still believe that death, an ending to you, is possible. Soon, the vision of your own death will be lived out fully in your mind and by the end of that day, you will know if that’s to play out in your (Jasmine’s) future or not. But by the time you know my love, it will no longer matter to you one way or the other. Remember that I love you.
So Saturday night, I laid on the floor next to my Yeshua and he held me in a sea of blankets and boxes in his friends spare bedroom in Albuquerque.
Me: I just need to be held, not fixed, just loved. Please hold me while I go through this? And so he did.
God: Are you ready?
Me: I am.
God: Are you sure?
The knot of fearful energy was getting bigger and bigger in my chest by the second.
Me: I am.
I could feel as I laid there that in my body all of the letting go that I had done over the last two years, my home, my income, and even my kids didn’t come close to the amount of space that the belief in death was taking up inside of my energy field. The belief in death energy was indeed the energy of Satan. Not a “someone” at all despite popular belief. Just energy. I saw lined up one by one, Junior, Jean, Ryelle, My father, My step-dad, all the people in my family who had suddenly died within the last few years. I felt the pain of loss all over again, and then I saw in a way I never had before that their bodies where simply temporary vessels, and unalive. Their inanimate bodies were just being used by God. Their bodies were never them. Each person, I then saw the real them. I saw their energy, swirl around and through the room as I layed there, changing shape and changing form. I saw that energy giving life to another butterfly, or a rainforest. Giving life to another body. I saw the cycle of birth and death for what it was. It was a complete lie. Not a cruel one, but indeed a lie. A diversion of truth. A dangled distraction in our faces hoping that we believe in it. The cycle of birth and death was the birthplace for all fear. It was the birthplace of the fear of God.
I could see why it took so long to get to this level of truth with God. To deep ego, the truth of the invalidity of death that God would reveal was seen as unloving, and it would have been means for my ego to defend and attack had I gone through this sooner. Accepting this truth required me to be completely responsible for my own beliefs, and all of the stories that I had bought into about illness, death etc. It was only in my deep and ongoing close relationship with God especially over the last year and a half, that I could fully accept what I was being shown without any defenses. So I surrendered completely into acceptance.
As the blocks of death energy cleared, it suddenly left my chest and my body became feather light. Ryelle, my beautiful cousin surrounded the room, and circulated through my body. She was pure love. Saying, Don’t you see? I never left you.I never left.
Tears streamed down my face, but they were tears of relief.
As I moved into the vision of my own human death a few years from now, I embraced it with open arms. For it was clearer more than it ever had been, that it was not a death at all, but an exit out of the biggest lie, and in that exit, an immediate reveal of truth would be exposed the instant of my human physical death.
Eternal life….realized just like my Yeshua 2000 thousand years ago.
After Saturday night, for the first time, I truly understood fearlessness. I had surmounted my own belief in death. I understood what the Corona Virus is, just one of the many ego manifestations of fear. Fear that’s hoping that it will be believed, and adopted so it can continue to move through us and constrict us all away and from truth, keeping the hide and seek game from God going for longer. I could see all the varying degrees of fear coming the worlds way in the next few years through visions. They were all simply just manifestations that had been made through fear, coming to the surface for the world to finally see.
Look what we all made! For the world to show its true colors of fear, was a good thing. Now the truth of God would could be realized more than ever before.
The truth to choose love instead of fear, over and over again in every moment. It was my one purpose through all experiences in the world. To see me, the Christ everywhere I go. To realize that to look upon another is to look upon the love of God, regardless of their recognition of that love within themselves. My only standing purpose now more than ever, is to stand in truth over and over again. And its the kind of truth that I politeley remind myself of because this just takes so much, practice, or patience, or practice/patience.
So the truth.
The truth that there is only one of us here. And that one is one that doesn’t die. Love reigns on….forever.
You, the love that you are, the God that you are, live forever and ever and ever….and it isn’t scary…..it’s you, me, them.
On the topic of love, this is a message from the other day, from Michael.
The Christ You Are endlessly extends Love. And as an embodied Christ being, we extend that Love by seeing the Christ in all AND having the desire to nurture blossoming of the one in front of us into Christ realized. We know the path to that is through letting the Love of God come through us and be given to them. Just the act of forgiveness to another offers them the Love that they might choose again, and for Christ. (As well as releasing us from the confines of our limiting view of them) So for ______ I was asked if I am willing to accept him for what he chose to experience and express as. If I Will Love him so as to give him the freedom to be as he is, AND most importantly- if I am willing to forgive him for ALL and any of his expressions and actions Made from fear and limited creation.
That Yeshua, how I love him.
To die of all of what you are not, is to truly live for what you were all along.
As our experience continued, God had a lot to say through my body. There were moments were God was mostly gentle and then there were moments where I could tell the words were cutting Lucifer deep through Michael.
The pain of the abortion came in like a wave in his energy field. I felt in my body what he was experiencing outside of the tent. Lucifer moaned in pain and the deepest feeling of despair came through. It seemed to be too painful for him to totally go into, so it wasn’t the full experience of it. And then the energy coming through it switched to something else.
God: My Michael, you’ve been forever a caregiver. Without knowing, you’ve been hiding behind caregiving in the world to avoid God. You’ve been hiding behind being loving instead of becoming the love itself.
Sometimes the truth of God can feel like cuts that run deep.
I had noticed that about Michael from long before focusing so heavy forever on his family and so many people around him. On the surface it seemed naturally loving, and yet Lucifer’s energy was truly the one mainly behind it, and there was another energy behind it that I would become later aware of in posts to come. As I spent weeks with him, Michael was pulled away on the phone into hour long conversations, with a list of people emotionally and some physically dependent on him. His day was ran by having many others lean on him in a codependent, unhealthy way. And the ring leader energetically that he was pulled in by, was his mother and it had been that way for years.
Day after day Michael would consume himself with taking care of others and had become as a indirect way to avoid healing and caring for himself. I sat to think of the entire world’s energy. That’s how we’d been taught to love. We’d been taught to love through fear, guilt, obligation and codependency. Fear based love which wasn’t love at all.
When it came to me that night, I could feel my own battles of fear. I knew that parts of Lucifer would come home to God that night, and that I would need the help of Martha and Lazarus’ energy to help him back into the tent in order for that to happen, so I called on both of them to join us in Spirit. As I trembled with the light of the just the stars above me and walked towards Yeshua, still laying down, now his one foot outside of the cross circle. God looked back at the cross and wanted to sing. I opened my mouth and a melody I’d never heard sounded more beautiful than anything that I had ever had sung began to flow through me.
Yeshuaaaaa …..come home to God
Over and over I sang and then the words changed to.
Michaelllll….. come home to God.
By that time I had my hand on his heart. He was smiling, and cooing from the sound of my voice. And God wanted me to continue.
Luciferrrr come home God.
I continued to sing Luciferrrrr until I could really feel the love pouring out from my words in the same way when I sang Yeshua. I could feel the pieces of pain that Lucifer was ready to surrender, they were all now being cradled by God. My body was vibrating, and feeling the love of Lucifer stronger than ever.
Lucifer:Sometimes, the love from you, becomes overwhelming. Its so strange that the one thing Ive longed for, the love of God, turns out has moments of feeling unbearable. Like a vampire being left out in the sun. Its like I can only handle it in doses.
When my Yeshua/Michael made it back to the tent, it was Lucifer I laid next to. I held him, and wrapped my body around him. We talked for hours. As he spoke, I could feel so much love coming from him. It wasn’t Yeshua in those hours, and it wasn’t Michael. It was Lucifer.
We held each other the rest of the night.
Cold, tired, and in love.
A few days after our wedding night, I was instructed to watch a specific episode of Xena: The Warrior Princess. I haven’t gone into Xena much I realize in these blog posts, but the show growing up, I had a very very close connection to, specifically the character of Xena and the actress Lucy Lawless. Long before I knew anything about my purpose, I literally felt as a kid that I was watching myself, and my own life play out before my eyes. Sure there were Warlords and Greek Gods, but I could see past that to the symbolism behind the show. If you aren’t a Xena fan, well bare with me.
So like many times before in my journey, I was told to watch a specific episode, and that whatever was in the episode, had to do with the baby to come, Lucy. This particular episode that I watched, is when Xena and Gabrielle are nailed to the cross side by side by Caesar and they die. Jesus/Yeshua who is called Eli in the show, ends up taking the bodies of Xena and Gab off the cross to a cave. Meanwhile, Their spirits go to Hell, and to save Gabrielle, Xena volunteers herself to go to hell to bring her back to Heaven. There, she sees Callisto. Now, Callisto plays the role of Antagonist, the role of Lucifer so to speak, pretty much throughout the series. Xena finds herself volunteering to stay in hell in Callisto’s place and become a demon to free Callisto from her suffering. So now Callisto’s soul is redeemed, she is an angel. Callisto now an angel, and The Christ, Jesus through immaculate conception, impregnate Xena with the reincarnation of Callisto’s Spirit.
I had become suspicious about it for the last few days and my suspicions were right. Lucy would be the reincarnation of Lucifer, but only once Lucifer comes into the energy of the Christ fully. In other words the world was ready for the brightest fallen angel in the dream of the world, to come home to god. And the way that that would happen, would be me playing a role in fully embodying the energy of Lucifer, to embrace all of the despair, all of the cut off energies that are separate from God. There was such suppression collectively within the Divine Masculine, that it would be the receptivity and energy of allowance from the Divine Feminine that would fully embody it.
How much easier would it be to have the Buddha, another Dali Lama be the leader of a new world? But by having it be Lucifer, what this meant, was it was the ultimate forgiveness lesson for the world. To see that what appears to be the most dark, actually has the opportunity to brings about the most light. And from that, Lucifer would be reincarnated as Lucy, the female name for Lucifer, both meaning bringer of light. Was the world ready to look at all of its projections that we ball up and call dark and evil, and see it as lost and on its way home if we were ready to forgive and extend all of what we are to it? The answer is yes, I realized that now in 2020, thats what everyone is ready for, to fully embrace their light, as they embrace their dark. Everyone was ready to forgive what we made starting from the inside.
Once Lucifer returned home to God, this would be the unification of Yeshua/Mary and Lucifer, as one, expressed through a baby. The full embodiment of light and dark, superseding any kind of power preceding it in the eons before. My Yeshua in this lifetime volunteered to take on the energy of Lucifer as a part of his human and Christ experience. To embody fully Yeshua, and Fully Lucifer. He did this for the world, and also he volunteered to do this for my own Christ journey and for the Divine Feminine. The truth was I was coming home to still loving those aspects of myself. I still had fear. It wasn’t until that fear was gone would my Yeshua and Lucifer return home to me.
February 27th 2020
Tomorrow is February’s Shabbat at Shanti and we are headed back up there for a few days. Tomorrow the energy of Lucifer has full permission to come through me and beyond that, I’m uncertain what will happen. Just as I’ve surrendered to the light, I’m fully ready to surrender to its seemingly opposite. Embracing the darkness is what it is to fully embody that there is really, only one of us here.
The Journey of Forgiveness
The world was finally ready to realize that that hatred, judgement, anger, and that desire to run away from God has always been one thing. Suffering. Pain of living separately from God. I was ready to make it all mine to forgive. I was ready to not make it someone else’s. And once I did, My Rye Rye, My Lucifer, My Lucy, would come home to me. Lucy would be the bringer of the twilight, the bringer of a new dawn for the world. Her light would remind others of what was always their own to begin with.
The darkness nights bring the brightest stars. -John Green
Another SOG moment a week or so before our wedding, was when Ken/Martha came back into the front room at Shanti as I was laying down. We had just been talking about the changes of the body on a DNA level when the Christ energies little by little start to increase into a person’s energy. I was doing my best to describe what it had felt like and continues to feel like for me.
As I’m laying down by the blazing fire in the front room, Martha/Ken comes back into the room either with his hand on his belly, or pointing at mine. You know with two people that come into the energies of Christ, the baby that would be born would be created from that energy. You’re going to have a baby, thats going to be the bringer of light, possibly through immaculate conception. I remember it, it was the same night before Shabbat, Jan 30. That baby, I already knew about, but I had accepted that vision under the conditions that I had about 3 1/2 years till she’d be on her way. Her name had always been Lucy. What Martha said, catapulted the night into a completely different direction for me.
I first had to fully embrace that it was Yeshua that I would be with, and have Lucy with, that I had already accepted. It wasn’t that it felt wrong, it was this feeling of feeling a bit betrayed by God that I had to work through since the original vision had been with Judas. The feeling of betrayal came from, seeing a possible future, that I needed to see at that time, that suddenly out of nowhere, took a complete shift.
Once I cried that out, the next thing that popped up was, reconfirming that the baby would be the consciousness of the Buddha, also from the same consciousness as my cousin who had passed away almost exactly one year ago. This I had already seen and accepted, so it was strange for it to circle back around. Well that portion of the story later, would change, once again, but I didn’t know it at the time.
And lastly, I had to accept the possibility that the baby would come much sooner, within a year perhaps, rather than the 3 1/2 years that I originally saw. I imagined 9 months from now, walking in 90 degree weather towards the East Coast with a sore back and a swollen belly. Yep that part was my least favorite part to accept by far. I selfishly wanted time to explore this new chapter of my life without that responsibility so soon added on to the story. But hey as always after the tears had weeped out of me my nights always ended with, whichever way the story goes, Let God’s will be done.
After all, that’s all I wanted, and all I was truly here for.
Needless to say, once again Spot on God strikes again.
February 6- 9, 2020
The rest of that week and the following had the theme of what God had called my Descent into Darkness. Like playing limbo or something, How low could I go? Corny, I know, but thats what it felt like. I knew the result would probably be me feeling completely petrified, but I was willing to go as deep as deep was for me.
First set of instructions were: Go onto Youtube, and type: Worst serial killer cases. That pulled up, The Waco Texas Siege. A story about a man, the alleged word of God, and a who lot of bloodshed. After story after story, including Charles Manson, the Iceman, and a few other infamous stories, it took a while to feel compassion as I sat there and listened to each story but eventually, I did. Then, I was then told to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose.
The reason for the instructions I knew it was because I still had fears of murder, and fears of “demonic possession”.
As I watched the movie, it brought me straight back to Peru. The vision of Judas on the couch, turning into a demon with horns, and red eyes, and me hearing the word: abortion, abortion. over and over. That story, once again had turned out to be Yeshua’s story. I brought it up to Yeshua a few weeks ago, that vision in Peru I had and he mentioned the woman he’d had a relationship with a few years back, and that there was a very difficult pregnancy and abortion whose pain was still lingering in his consciousness whether he realized it at that time or not.
As I struggled now to sleep even with a night light because I couldn’t shake the black eyes and contorted body of Emily Rose from my mind.
How dark is my week going to get?
God: Dark, but it wont be through you directly.
With that, I expected something interesting to go down, but once again, there was an unexpected twist.
The Wicked Witch of the West.
As our wedding approached I’d noticed that Yeshua was pulled away by hour long conversations with his mom. His eyes seemed a little distant for a day or so, until he finally spilled what was going on.
Yeshua: My mom had two psychics come back with the same thing about you. Both psychics had a very close relationship with Yeshua’s mom, one being a dear friend and another being her sister.
Yeshua:They both said something along the lines of, all they saw was blackness when it came to you, and my mom is in circles of fear. Fear that you’re trying to steal me away from her, and fear that I’ll abandon her.
With me suddenly showing up on the scene which seemed to be out of the blue, I could on a deeper level completely understand how I’d suddenly had become the Wicked Witch of the West. Not to mention, his mom was gut wrenched over months of not knowing where they would move to, after not being able to find the right home for her family. They had to be out by March 1, and it was February and they still hadn’t found a home that met their needs.
But I have to admit that there was pain there for me to move through. I partially felt unwelcome at Shanti, minus Ken and Laz, the rest of the regular frequenters at Shanti were convinced that I was up to some sort of cult, brain washy activity, and then now I added feeling unwelcome at the home in Albuquerque, Yeshua’s mom and family to the mix, I was feeling more sadness about wanting to just love them, and feeling like I was welcome to
I sat there, listening to Yeshua, and I felt confused. I had already gone through the inner depths of darkness in Peru and fully embodied the creations I’d made. I even had fully embodied the energy of Lucifer, it wasn’t a thing to forget. I’d been told that Yeshua would be embodying those energies in the near future and I’d be there to help him through. And now here I was, apparently still with all kinds of dark cracks and crevices that I hadn’t touched into yet? Needless to say, I was still open to moving through whatever needed to be brought up to the surface, and brought to love, but it was tough to handle that this part just…. ain’t over?
Feb 10th, 2020
Like every other Monday evening, we started our How to Become a Christ Group on zoom. Strangely enough, the head of the group gets guidance to start our meditation before reading any conversation in the book. We usually do the reverse.
I felt the surges of energy from God come through, and then an,
Are you ready? From God.
I felt the pinch off sensation that I usually feel when something is up to heal, but the darker energies felt distant and unfocused. I moved to the far side of the couch out of the cameras view, so that the zoom group could continue without viewing what was about to happen to my body. I was then instructed to get on the floor and let the energies do whatever it needed to do through my body. Yeshua and I ended the zoom group early and he began with encircling me with candles and prayer.
As my body continued to thrash around, I was wide open to the experience. I wouldn’t call it the most comfortable when my body started jerking and yanking in all sorts of peculiar movements. Although, my body started to jerk but the expressions were empty. As if they were coming through me, but behind them there wasn’t anything coming up for healing.
I could see how once again, that harmless night of my body moving all in different directions as I laid there in Peru during an Ayhuasca ceremony and I heard this poem from God.
Life unfolds in the dance.
Watch the flower spiral.
Watch the flower dance towards the sun.
All of Life is the dance.
Just let go.
All of that, was all a little preview for tonight. I kept earphones in my ears so I could listen to a recording of an Shamanic Icaros song I had from the ceremony. The more I listened, the more exaggerated my body movements became.
It came in that Lucifer was the energy hanging out. But when I looked in the mirror the next morning, I couldn’t actually feel the energy through me, but now I was way more afraid of the dark than I had been.
Our Tented Honeymoon
Going into the night of our wedding, I arrived to the tent that God told us to sleep in by the cross. It was dark, maybe 7 or so by the time we arrived, The tent’s not within the cross circle, I say slightly panicked. I stood for a minute to see if once again the instructions would come in to move the tent. They did.
Yes the tent has to be in the circle right next to the cross.
An hour or so later, I could feel the higher Christ energies were starting to surge through my body as I laid and held Yeshua. The energy cut off for a moment, and in my mind’s eye, I saw Yeshua standing there, tormented by sadness, but covered up by other things. Things that we were about to get into. I knew parts of the night and in the weeks to come.
God: He’s going to embody Lucifer now.
Me: I love you too, I love you too.
The I love you too, was directed to Lucifer, the one I saw, standing there in my mind, feeling so separate from God.
I love you too. I kept repeating it looking up at Lucifer, now fully lying next to me.
I was holding onto Lucifer but I had little body awareness as the Christ energies continued began to rise. I wasn’t able to make out which parts of his body I was snuggled up next to him. I thought the top of my head was perched under his chin as we laid together under 5 sleeping bags, me still in my wedding dress, freezing my balls off.
In my arms, Yeshua/Lucifer started to crumble, and constrict his body. His breath became constricted and not free flowing. I could see it was beginning.
He realized what I had come to realize already a few days before.
Its Lucifer. It’s been me the whole time. It was all me.
The truth was the energy of Lucifer had been desperately wanting to come forth but the pain, the hatred of God, and the fear was so deeply suppressed by Michael, that it had nowhere to go but projected outwards. We realized that all everything his family saw, and even down to my own body thrashing episode, was the energy projecting outward. He hadn’t been ready to go there, to get into that pain, so it was bouncing off of the people closest to him.
Lucifer: I have to pee, I really have to pee,
The urgency seemed as if there was something coming through that Lucifer didn’t want me to see. He leaves the tent and as the stars were our only light ,and goes to the far corner of the circle. and then I hear it. He later told me what happened first was some sort of tribalistic dancing. I didn’t hear that as much but what i did hear was when he made to laying down on the dirt outside. I could hear his body writhing around, thrashing limbs, and peculiar, animal sounds escaping his mouth. Some sounded very instinctive primal like, and other moans sounding like a wounded animal. It made my episode a few days ago look like a carousel ride.
As I sat in the tent, just waiting to hear what to do or not do next, Lucifer’s energies were continuing to surge higher and higher inside of the larger energy of the totality of the love God. But as I would feel Lucifer’s energy, and the strength of how potent it felt, there was more of a pull to be consumed by it, pulled fully into it. In that moment, I still had feelings of fear, and I wasn’t fully ready to embody that energy just yet.
I felt that most when I started chanting
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
I was chanting from a place of wanting Lucifer’s energy to be almost conquered by God. I was chanting from force without the power of love behind it. And as I chanted from that vibration, I could feel the resistance of Lucifer. It was equivalent to a Fuck You God. You want power? I got your power. I felt the nausea accumulate in my stomach as I chanted. Ahah I’m catching onto a lesson here I thought. I was instructed to do one more thing.
By this time, I could barely move my body, I grabbed my phone, and began to say out loud a prayer that we had gotten a few days before from a friend.
I pray to God to please cleanse, heal, shield, and protect me, all my family members, friends, coworkers, and all our surroundings- our homes, workplaces, cars, places of recreation, and everything around them from Satan, all of his demons, all human beings under his influences, and all the foreign entities, dark shields, dark energies, dark devices, and dark connections. Please fill, shield, protect, and illuminate all of us and our surroundings with your love and light as long as our souls shall exist, and bless us, enlighten us, balance us, transform us, and guide us in the right direction. Please keep us loving, giving, caring, forgiving, and humble all the time. Please cleanse, heal balance, and open up all of our energy centers and channels of communication with the Light (heaven) as needed, and cover and protect them when not needed. I form an intent not to be possessed and influenced by any spirits and reject all works of Satan, his demons, and humans under their influences. I also form an intent to accept the works of God and achieve God’s purposes by dedicating my life to God and to achieve my goals and purposes, which I planned in heaven for this life.
As I said it, I could feel again the same thing from Lucifer. Power, I got your power. He felt challenged. Like a child having a tantrum refusing to be overpowered by his parents. I realized the root of the prayer. The prayer had an energy of fear to it. I realized that thats what this world was doing to Lucifer’s energy and what we had been doing. Suppression, Judgement and Excommunication, rather than allowing the energy to just be as it was and where it was. In the love of God, there was no need to command Lucifer out of anywhere, and there was no need to reject anything, not to mention, it doesn’t actually leave it just becomes further suppressed, and further buried.
That was the first half of the night and the first half of the story. It was power trying to overcome power. When I realized this, the second half of the night shifted into only love….
Like every other human assumption I’ve made during this journey over the last year and a half, naturally, I made just one more. Yeshua and I would be romantically basking in our engagement over the next year or two like two lovers usually would.
When I sat and thunk about it, this was the pace that life had suddenly been taken since starting my walk at the beginning of the year and meeting Michael/Yeshua.
Week one: Boy meets girl.
Week two: Boy gets engaged to girl,and they adopt a wandering puppy.
Week three….boy…MARRIES girl?
I can only imagine what week four would look bring. Maybe….. a pony?
After just a week of being engaged, the thought of getting married quite soon, as it always was, was harmlessly suggested as a possibility by God that I perhaps would be open to saying yes to.
After getting engaged, we talked about our last names. My last name as I’ve shared in a post months before, I changed on my own when I was an adult, and theres a story to my past attached to my last name. A beautiful love story that ran its course in my life.
Yeshua: Yeah with my last name Mccants, I have no attachment to the name whatsoever. It’s my Dad’s last name whom I’ve never met and mom just happened to keep the name as hers.
He looks up at me.
Yeshua: Oh, its possible that we are supposed to change our last name.
Supposed to meaning, that suggestion came in from God as we were sitting there together.
After the engagement I was by myself at Shanti Christo for about a week or so. I suppose it was around Feb 6 or 7th. I could tell the new last name was already in my awareness but I still couldn’t put my finger on it.
God: Order a weding band for Yeshua.
Me: So soon?
God: Well the money is there now, so you might as well.
I pop online and type in, Men’s Green Wedding Band. Green, being Yeshua’s favorite color. The first one that popped up, I get an enthusiastic..
God: its that first one! from G.
I read the description, Green Celtic Dragon Wedding Band.
Sounds like my man.
Me:But what size?
God: 9 order the 9.
I had been instructed to also stay wearing white for at least the time being. So, I popped online to buy another white outfit. After being told to order a specific dress that I realized looked like a wedding dress later, I was starting to get the feeling that maybe, just maybe the wedding was supposed to happen a lot sooner than I had assumed.
Then I got some really interesting instructions.
God: Go ahead and pop on to JuliaDevineTime.com
That website was my old escorting website that I had tried to take down over the last year and a half or so, but I figured that the woman that holds the domain went out of business since the emails I sent requesting that bounced back.
As I browsed through the photo gallery I saw it. My birthday of 2017, the day I did a photoshoot and wore a wedding dress. I thought back even further, through my time modeling there were so many instances where I wore a wedding dress.
Julia……Devine. Oh my gosh Devine! I flash back and remember the day Michael/Yeshua picked me up from Kingman AZ in January. He picked me up at the intersection of the hotel that I was staying at for a few days. God in that moment told me to snap a photo of the intersection and send it to him.
Me: Devine was the name of my alias I used to use, intersected with your name, and here we are.
So there I was sitting at the dining room table at Shanti, knowing our name would be Devine, but spelled Divine. Keeping in mind the meaning of the name Jasmine: Gift from God and Michael’s name, One who is like God, I knew the meaning of Devine or Divine, was similar. So, I look it up, Divine– One who is like God. The same meaning as Michael’s first name.
At that point my heads doing its usually explosive spinny thing when a lot of God comes in in a really short amount of time.
God: One more thing, see that leather bound Bible on the book shelf, I turn my head, God: Start reading Revelations in the back of the Bible. I found out later that that Bible was Ken/Martha’s mother’s Bible from 1947 that she gave to him years before. I grabbed it from the shelf, and headed to the back of the Bible. In the very back of the Bible alongside the zipper binding, something catches my eye.
A worn out, piece of paper.
More than a piece of paper, a blank marriage certificate. A blank marriage certificate that I was instructed to fill out with our new last names, the date of the wedding and send it to Yeshua.
What date should I put?
God: February 14th 2020.
Me: No shit, it seemed soon, but a week away?!
The only thing I hadn’t figured out at the time was who the second witness was so I left that blank. A day before the wedding, Lazarus showed up like I had mentioned before.
February 14th 2020
My morning began like any other morning. I decided to slip into my wedding dress pretty early, and then realized I couldn’t really bend or be near Lazzie the dog without being jumped on and having sequence fly around all over the place. The wedding was set to be at the cross at 3pm specifically. To symbolize the approximate time that Yeshua died on the cross.
While I sat at home and chanted for a while, Yeshua was instructed to go for a walk to a place called Resurrection Hill. A place that had been known to symbolize the crucifixion. At the top of the hill, there are two oddly shaped trees, one to the left, and one to the right. In the very middle where Yeshua’s tree/cross would have stood, was another symbol. Barbed wire, coiled in such a way to resemble the crown of thorns. Yeshua was instructed to stand in the center where the crown of thorns lay and outstretch his arms. He later told me that God said his resurrection in this lifetime would be happening soon.
I chanted for quite some time while Martha, and Lazarus set up the tent by the cross that Yeshua and I planned to sleep in overnight. They left the house again around 2:30, and A few minutes later, I was on my way to the cross with Lazzie.
On the ten minute walk that probably took 20 minutes in my dress, I felt pure exhilaration. My legs felt wobbly and I stumbled quite a bit on the rocks and mud up to meet my Yeshua. I could see them all from a distance long before I was in earshot.
And there he was. Beaming at me.
I looked at Martha, Lazarus, and Lazzie, the five of us, my reunited family, all together in a quiet celebration of love.
I could feel the merge of oneness solidify even deeper as we stood there gazing at each other. I could feel as we said I do, all of the dreams I had had come into clear sight that our marriage was purely a symbol for celebration to those, all of those who would have us. In marrying me, Yeshua was entering into union with all women that wanted to be his bride. And that bride being a symbol to devotion, complete surrender, and love for God. My vows were vows to all of humanity, as he stood there, I knew I was marrying the entire world through the symbol of my Yeshua. Our bodies were simply vehicles of expressing the oneness and unity. Just symbols. And although there were three bodies that were attended guests for the ceremony, everyone in spirit was invited to the wedding. Anyone who would accept the invitation of love, of God.
I was told by God to prepare for whats to come, and yet be as light as possible about the events that would occur later that night on our wedding night in the tent. In our symbolic union that day, all things that were blocking the full merging of our Christ energies to be shared, would be coming up to the surface, and to start, we’d get a taste of some of it that night. It would be more than we had faced so far and so after we feasted all on hummus, dolmas and cherry pie, I prepared for the sunset, and the rest of the night ahead of us at the cross.
Whatever we would face, we would face it as one.
So what happened in week Four? Well if isn’t already obvious enough, we definitely didn’t get a pony.
From the moment I met Ken, we embraced, and I got that feeling. It’s not a feeling I’ve gotten too often over the last year, but it’s a feeling that I’d describe as, when you know someone knows more about you, than what you’ve shared. When you know someone can look at you and figure you out. A day or so later, Ken mentions, I want to tell you what I heard when you walked in the front door, I heard God say, She’s Solid God. Just to confirm my suspicions that indeed, me and Ken would be God bonding. Speaking that quiet language of God that takes little words and a whole lot of inner knowing. As a week or so went on, I developed my own nickname for Ken. He could hear the voice of God as clear as a bell although he’d rather crack a joke than admit that. His hearing was often with no human egoic interpretation slid in to what he was hearing. After a clear as a bell, God moments, I decided his nickname would be SOG, Spot on God.
The night before Shabbat, I said to him, Are you sure God hasn’t mentioned, who I was 2000 years ago? The way you talk, it’s as if you already know. He leaves the room and it must’ve been less than five minutes after my comment. Ken walks back in the room, turns to me, stands in front of the fireplace and says, You’re Mary. God just said, you’re Mary.
SOG strikes again.
A few days before the wedding, Ken once again, turns, looks and blurts out. I was Mary Magdalene’s sister, I was your sister, Martha. It made complete sense because that morning I had found myself reading an article about Mary Magdalene, and her sister Martha, the incessant cleaner. God specifically told me to click on that blog post and I found myself smiling as I read it. Let’s just say also that in this lifetime, Ken had a thing for cleaning, a serious thing and it would take a whole separate blog entry to describe his love affair with keeping tidy. We laughed and chatted about how things probably were and haven’t changed much between us 2000 years later. He then, once again, blurts out another drop of God……Well the only question is, who is our brother now in this lifetime? Who is Lazarus?
I got a chill.
I’m sure we’ll find out.
I found myself deciding to go on a walk/run down a road I hadn’t discovered yet. It was a road with actual civilization, cars I mean, so it was flat to some degree and missing the rocks and cactus that I’d come to know so well. I asked God, Left or right? as I approached the road. Go right. My running didn’t last long, since I’d been out of my regular routine for quite some time, so I continued to walk some/run some for about a mile and a half or so up the road. And then a bit of a distance ahead of me, I see a pick up truck. The truck was parked on the side of the road, someone got out and opened up their back door, I figured they were probably stopped to pee. and then I heard from G, What the car is stopped for, has to do with you. I figured as I approached, maybe they needed to borrow a cell phone because they were broken down, but as I got nearer, they drove away. And in the place of where the car had been, was a puppy.
A golden colored mix of some kind, definitely part German Shepard, about 5 months old or so. As she sat there and let her tongue hang out of her mouth, it was as if she had been sitting there, patiently waiting for me to come get her. There were no tags, and I knew there was a snowstorm coming in overnight. I figured if she was meant to come with me, she’d follow me. And she did. She trailed along behind me occasionally getting distracted in the dirt. I decided to call Yeshua who had returned to Shanti a few days before to come pick us up from where we were. As I waited, I knew there was a special name waiting for her that I would call her by. I figured God would give me a heads up…….
Your name will be…..your name…..It’s Lazarus! Omg it’s Lazarus! The name came in and the confirmation from God that indeed, I was holding my brother in my arms from two eons ago. Lazzie for short we’d call her since she was a girl. Ken graciously allowed Lazzie stay until we figured out from God where to take her to. Although the inner Martha I’m sure was having a harder time adjusting. But he cared for her like his did other dog, Prince Jake.
As Ken and I enjoy our usual morning routine of silently watching the sun come up, Ken says over coffee, We have a sudden guest arriving tomorrow. His name is Rockmae, he’s coming from Seattle and he will be here for a week. God had mentioned to me, that for me and Yeshua’s wedding, there would be “two witnesses” that would come to the ceremony. Ken was obviously the first, but I was stumped as to who was the second. Without knowing him, in order for him to show up suddenly to Shanti during that timeframe, I knew that Rockmae, some way some how, was deep in God too and would be the second witness.
Rockmae was a quiet, asian noodle loving, 27 year old God person. He told me a bit about his story, and he was certainly one of those: I was practically born awake kids I’ve seen in today’s world. He’s relayed that he was here at Shanti, because God had instructed him to be here. Within the first few hours of Rockmae’s arrival Ken and Rockmae go out to check out the land. Perhaps it was the next day, over coffee Ken says to me, Rockmae mentioned that he’d had a past life regression done, and it was shown to him that he was Lazarus. So now we had one big happy reunited family. There was no doubt that Lazzie the dog and Lazarus were sharing the same consciousness, split into two bodies during the same lifetime. And they both had reunited within a day apart from each other to be here for the wedding tomorrow.
After Shabbat and the everything that occurred, it felt like a new, warm invitation to be surrounded by the family that I had then and and had never stopped knowing Mary or God now. My brother, my sister and my soon to be husband. My God giving me the gift of God through family as a wedding gift.
As I also reflected on Spot On God and how he landed at Shanti Christo in the first place. Years ago while living in Canada, Ken/Martha had read through various sources that this land called Shanti Christo, would be the land where 10,000 Christ’s would awaken and birth a new beginning for the world. He gave up everything, and followed the voice of God to land into one of the two houses on Shanti land, that took a 5 year wait to get into. As I reflected on that, I was reminded of how since being here at Shanti, I was graced with the beautiful experience of watching people simply trust what they hear from God, and how that for them, even in tougher times, had become the guidance they wanted to use to live their entire lives by. Martha and Lazarus’ willingness to just listen to God and show up, and now, here we all were, reunited and basking in our love of God through each other.
A few days after the wedding, Lazzie’s owners were found and happily reunited with Lazzersize. Whatever the circumstances were, I knew that she was meant to come home with me that day I found her on the side of the road. Lazzie really did just appear to walk me down the aisle and be there for the wedding. Although as I walked, she was too busy sniffing piles of deer poop to actually walk with me.
Although I posted the wedding video in my last entry, I didn’t have instructions to write anything for a whole month. This is a journal entry of what happened a few weeks ago. The next few posts at least will be written in the same style. Me telling my story with a pen and legal padreminiscing on the last several weeks.
Writings from February 3rd 2020
I’ve been at Shanti Christo for about a week by myself. And then some interesting things occurred that clearly came up for healing since I’ve been here. Michael/Jesus/Yeshua and I had planned to go to Shabbat. but a few days before, without warning, Yeshua had instructions from God to fly in his friend Michelle and have her stay with him and they would both return back to Shanti Christo after 4-5 days. It isn’t pertinent to the details that I explain the in’s and out’s of who Michelle is. But she is someone in the HTBAC Christ Community that is a dear friend of Yeshua’s. I also knew her as well, and the three of of us share the same spiritual understandings.
The first night at Shanti Christo which was Sunday, Jan 26th, being in the high energies there, hit me like a Tsunami. As I sat at the dining room table listening to all the happy faces chirping away about their day, I felt this sudden unbearable sadness within me related to Yeshua leaving the next morning. It was clear that I still hadn’t healed my desire to lean on him. Going a year and a few months back, my entire journey, all I wanted was for him to console me, materialize from light in my bedroom and rub my back as I cried, reassuring me that everything would be okay. Now here he was, physically in front of me, incarnated in a body and it felt like, just when I find him, he was leaving me at Shanti for a week.
Around 11 that night, we went to the car to sit and chat to have some privacy.
In the dark I look down at the engagement ring that Yeshua’s spirit had told me to buy at the beginning of my walk on Christmas. I looked at Yeshua in front of me with tears streaming down my face and told him he had to take the ring off my finger, until I let go of my need to physically be with him. He said, I know when the ring will be put back on your finger, I’ll hold onto it until then. I could feel the week ahead of being alone would be me healing all of it. He held me in his arms and sang to me while he slipped the ring off my finger.
So back to the Christ Trio situation, I can’t deny that something appeared to be a bit peculiar about the situation of Michelle being flown in so suddenly especially from an energy standpoint. Here we were, me and Michael suddenly, reunited in this lifetime and just a few days into integrating that, Michael and Jazz’s lives were purely being used as vessels to continue on the chapter of their lifetimes called Yeshua and Mary Magdalene, and furthermore, those chapters fused together as one path, and one love of God to be shared with the rest of the world. And all of that was discovered between us as of….I don’t know yesterday? What it felt like was just a few days into that shift, poof, let’s bring Michelle into that energy too? It felt like that overloaded hot to touch feeling that a computer must feel when its working too hard.
For Yeshua and I since meeting in body mid January, our intentions and focus had been on complete Holy Communion, in other words a mutually shared oneness with God, through all forms, through everyone and everything. Although I felt a bit unnerved at the timing of it all, I was truly was radiating embracing Yeshua and Michelle being together in a loving and intimate way through Holy relationship at our time at Shanti. Pure freedom including Sexual oneness, that part by itself, was an essential ingredient to our union. To me, I was supporting what I believed Yeshua wanted, what he had made clear to me that he wanted at the time.
I should mention that we knew, Yeshua and I that there was another element to the healing that would take place in our time apart from each other. There would be someone, a man, an opportunity for healing to take place between that man and myself. The vision was vague, but that much we knew.
In the time apart from Yeshua it took a few days for me to realize that I was getting my own experience of a Holy relationship in the truest sense. The man, Ken, embraced me with such welcome, such love and support during my alone days on the sacred land of Shanti Christo. I’d come out to have coffee, chat for a while, and take long hours by the fireplace in silence, or sleeping, or spending time outside on specific area of the land; what everyone refers to as The cross.
Ken was there to share his story, and to listen to mine. He was married, and had been for quite some time. His story as he shared poured love, and also a deep desire to let his unhealed parts be seen. The part of Ken’s story that was mine to tell, was that he was there to show me something, and I was there to just be love and to love him as God. As we sat by the fireplace one night, I realized that there would be healing happening between us, for he was the man that Yeshua and I had seen a few days before in our vision. And that healing would be through making love some way some how. I let it go, and knew that it was God’s show. So if that was to happen, it would land in my lap.
The next morning it did.
Thursday morning, the energies of God had been surging through my body all morning that morning. Ken asked me to come hold him for a while, and as we laid there together in his bed, the presence of God surrounded us. My eyes gazed at him but it was God using my eyes to gaze back at him. My body moved to caress him, but it was God using my body to be a pure vessel for love. After that morning, in a deeper way, I had embodied a Holy relationship, and I had also developed a radar to sense anything that wasn’t one.
So a few days ago, Michelle and Yeshua arrive to Shanti, and I truly could feel so many loving moments that they expressed towards each other. My heart would sing, and open up, and feel everything shared between them, the way I had shared such moments with Ken just a few days before. But I also sensed something else, a different energy coming from Yeshua that wasn’t quite as pure intended. Over the last few days after Shabbat, Yeshua would wrap his arms around me, kiss me, laugh with me, tickle me, and then almost immediately after, turn to Michelle to show her physical affection, but it appeared to be mostly out of a place of guilt, and of fear.
When he proposed to me it was Feb 1, a few days ago, the morning after Shabbat. After he proposed, he then he turned to Michelle to include her in on the proposal. I even did too, I grabbed her hand. But afterwards, I could feel it once again, on both of our moves, it was coming from guilt. I thought to myself again, what is going on with him, and more importantly, with me?
When one of my moments of healing slammed into my face so hardcore, it was when Yeshua announced that he was again going back to Albuquerque, but he was going back with Michelle for a few days and Michelle would stay with him at his house. So in the middle of the night I laid there in the kitchen, needing space at that point, feeling feelings that didn’t feel in that moment that they were all mine to heal.
I realized that I had put myself in a situation of using Holy Relationship as an excuse to not have boundaries when it came to my Relationship with Yeshua. I also saw similar situations from my past. As the woman, I’d say okay to doing certain things, or going along with certain situations within my relationship because I didn’t want to disappoint my boyfriend at the time. I then realized that Yeshua was also using a Holy Relationship for this loose idea that within a Holy relationship anything goes and furthermore anything should go. And that isn’t what a Holy relationship is at all. I now had such a clear understanding of what it felt like, and deep down he knew what I knew.
A Holy Relationship is Love.
The love of God expressed through any which way that is necessary at that time. For Ken and I, it was one time of intimacy that provided such healing. It didn’t come from obligation, guilt, or fear of hurting someones feelings. It was pure intended. It was pure God.
Also, more clearly than ever, it came into my awareness that a Holy relationship has nothing to do with the shared activities, and making a shared life with one, one that you have to extend to every other being. The way each Holy Relationship would express itself would be unique. Sex may be a part of it…or not. Physical attraction may be a part of it… or not. It has nothing to do with with the shared special love between two human beings. A Holy relationship is the shared love of God, through each and every being that we are in relationship to.
So I laid there and watched the clock roll by to 1am, 2 am and I came to such clear mindedness about the whole thing. I love Yeshua as God, and I also love him in a very special way, as my person, as my fiance and that’s OKAY, I don’t have to share that. I realized that of course its okay to share special things between just me and Yeshua. Yeshua was hanging on to trying to love Michelle in a romantic way, because he knew that that was what she wanted and he didn’t want to hurt her. As we talked more, we saw more clearly how that scenario was an ongoing pattern for him in his life, of not being able to be forthcoming about his true feelings and leading down a path with someone because of fear of letting them down. He was hiding this situation behind the concept of a Holy Relationship without even realizing it. The time with the two of us at Shanti Christo had also brought much of Michelle’s past unhealed relationship situations on the surface for her to mend within her heart as well. But the details of that would be her story to tell. Although the timing of it all seemed so peculiar, it makes complete sense that all of this collided when it did, as we enter into a new commitment of engagement and marriage in our Holy and human lives.
I continued to lay there on the kitchen floor and everything left, all the sadness and all of the guilt I had been carrying about not wanting to share my human relationship left. Yeshua came in eventually to lay next to me and I poured my heart out to him about how I was feeling. I asked him to have courage and to tell her the truth about how he really feels. I cried, he cried, we both cried. I expressed to him about feeling we’d been dumped so quickly into the next phase of our lives, and we didn’t have any time as a couple to really process any of it.
We held each other for the rest of the night, and we eventually made it back into the main room that we’d been sleeping in before. We woke up the next morning to an even deeper level of understanding between each other and we were both ready for another round of being apart so that we could continue loving ourselves back into wholeness.
I’ll see him in a little less than a week when he returns to Shanti.
So all of the experiences I’d had in my time alone at Shanti so far in the last week, have all very much been centered around healing my need to lean on Yeshua. Now that we’d met in body in this lifetime, I couldn’t deny the sense of relief that I felt that I wouldn’t be on this journey of embodying the Christ alone. But everything I’d seen about the future, us traveling side by side, helping the world heal itself through the Love of God that we’d become, making a life together, and lastly the welcoming of our daughter Lucy, I had to let it go. I also had to be willing come March, to go right back out there and start walking across the country again….alone. I realized that it wasn’t my business to know whether thats how it would turn out or not, it was just my willingness that allowed for the healing of needing it one way or the other to take place.
As I knew this and healed this over the last week, God asked something of me yesterday, the morning of Shabbat that seemed off topic to my healing. I’d just gotten back from the cross, a ten minute walk to an open area with a stoned circle with a large wooden cross in the middle of the circle. The cross had become my sacred sanctuary within my first day of being at Shanti. In between getting back from the cross I heard, Its time to get ready. My hair was freshly wet and brushed from just showering, I even got really fancy and put some makeup on and earrings.
Just after finishing, I was asked to turn around and go back out there to the cross again. Hurry, I heard.
As I made my way through the rocks, the half melted patches of snow, the hills and the cactus, I heard from God, drop your bags here, your coat. Then, your shoes, then eventually, your top, your pants here, drop them. As I stood now stark naked treading through patches of mud and snow in 40 degree weather, I knew at this point what was coming next.
God had playfully suggested the idea of me stripping my clothes off and rolling around in the mud a few days before, and honestly I was all for it until I realized how cold it was in the Canyons of Youngsville New Mexico. Cold was never a favorite thing for me. I’m the girl that takes a hot cup of tea to the bathtub, and thinks a cold weathered vacation is just plain mean.
But I grabbed that first fistful of mud and slapped it on my freshly clean body, realizing there were more rocks in it than mud. I thought I could get away with keeping my underwear on, but no, they had to come off too. Slap, Slap slap. I just kept going, until all that fresh makeup I’d put on my face was covered in wet fistfuls of earth juice.
Now go up to the cross and lay there. I laid sprawled out in front of the cross wet, and freezing, with my face planted in the dirt. I see why I’m doing this, its because I hate the cold!And now here I am fully submerged in it. Naturally, I assumed I’d just patiently wait at the cross until Yeshua would come get me. I was sure that he’d be there any minute. Minutes went by, and then finally, an hour until I heard it clear as day as I looked up at the cross which seemed to be gleaming from the sunlight. I lay there and listen hovering over my own shivering limbs.
You are still needing to heal from your need to be saved by your Yeshua. Go home to him. Walk home to him now, and leave your shoes and your clothes. You must walk on your own, away from the cross like you did 2000 years ago.
It was my final moment, my final gesture, of really on the deepest level, proving to myself that I’d unhinged myself from any specialness between me and Yeshua. Unhinged myself from needing to be ‘saved’. I’d always known that I was always meant to save myself. Yeshua had always been Mary, and Mary, Yeshua. God was the only one playfully orchestrating this whole thing. Had always been me. Theres knowing it conceptually and then there was living it. So I lived it through every muddy step I took towards home.
As I took each step, I felt searing pain from either stepping directly into a cactus disguised as a bush, or rocks jetted out from the side of the mountain. And then I entered into a choice point. To either walking through the snow, or choosing the side of the hillside that was pretty steep, filled with more rocks. I decided to shimmy my numb body down the hillside with the rocks little by little. I’m certain a 10-15 minute walk had become an hour long naked one and ,mainly because I couldn’t feel from my knees down. Towards the end, the last few yards to the door, the snow was unavoidable. I tipped toed my numb feet in the snow and then decided to crawl the rest of the way.
Maybe about 25 feet away from the back door of the house I heard from God, wait here a moment. I kneeled down for about 5 minutes, finally surfacing and breaking the air with my fists feeling triumphant, but also feeling pain everywhere. AAAAAAHHHHHHH! I let out an all to familiar warrior cry, one I’d yelled out millions of times in my attempts to emulate Xena the Warrior Princess as a kid, and I admit as an adult too.
Just as I scream. I see him.
He sees me, smiling from ear to ear, he runs to me and lifts me up off the cold wet ground into his arms. He was there, really there. A week of healing without him had felt like months.
He gazed at me as if every time you greet your partner, it should involve mud all over their face.
You look so beautiful. You walked home to me, You walked home to me.
In that naked and muddy walk back from the cross, I healed my need to be rescued by him. He piggybacked me eventually into the house where he carefully bathed my freezing body, taking out every rock and pebble out of my hair, carefully tweezing out every Cactus spine from my tender feet.
I realized that just like my trek in the Mojave desert, I once again had walked home to him.
For Shabbat, I had instructions to wear white, Yeshua brought me a fresh white skirt and top to slide on. At that point the Shabbat crowd had already arrived, I suppose there were 12 people or so either there or on their way. Everyone there had been introduced I’m sure to my muddy naked butt before the front side of me. A lovely tip off to the way the rest of the night would unfold.
The days before going into Shabbat, Godvice had been that I would be fully embodying the Christ energies in a way that I hadn’t yet experienced in front of a room full of people. The night before, I was instructed to take Jayem and Ken aside to inform them of some of the details that I was being told would occur. I started it with something like, well you know that whole second coming of the christ thing,it’s an actual physical event, its tomorrow. The room got pretty quiet, as you would imagine, although it wasn’t news to Ken, he had been on to me since I set foot at Shanti.
As the sun began to set and we started the Shabbat ceremony, it began for me as Jayem led a meditation. My heads energy expanded outwards towards the entire room, increasing by each second. In order to allow for the energy to continue to expand and move so freely, I found myself doing two things. Breathing like I’d never breathed before, although it was now reverse. Rather than me breathing, it was clear as my lungs expanded and retracted back and forth that God was indeed breathing me. As I continued to breathe, I heard, Just look up, just keep looking up. I extended the back of my head so far that I was halfway off the couch. Although meditation involved 12 other silent people, I was unable to control the moans that were escaping my mouth as this expansion into the Christ energies continued.
Also by the second, I was loosing body awareness, the me, had become every thing and every person inside of the room and my body had become an afterthought. The room of people were visibly disturbed and avoided eye contact, with what was now the four of us, Me, Michelle, Yeshua and a friend of ours Linda. It then got to the part during ceremony where there was dancing and singing. At that point, I could’t stand. It continued to be God breathing me, and using the eyes of Jasmine’s body to observe what was happening in the room. As I watched everyones body move in different ways, I was viewing them with pure naked awareness. Imagine being flown in from another planet and this is your first experience with a thing called dancing and a thing called singing. And the best part that the God using my eyes to view the room, was marveled by the rituals. I turned to maybe Michelle with a beaming smile and said. God needs no ritual, ceremony or routine and yet look how beautiful this is! I appreciate the art, look at how their bodies are moving, look! It’s just beautiful, beautiful!
My chatting continued on into the silent time of Shabbat simply because no moment within the now, was attached to the past. So the rule of its time to be quiet now, was immediatly forgotten in the next moment. My short term memory was pretty much gone. God isn’t the best with rules and regulations I turned to Michelle and giggled incessantly.
there were 8 or 9 people supposed to sleep over, and only 5 of us made it to want to stay and I don’t think many stayed long after Shabbat. The energies of separation were still there, and yet there was a deepened allowance for everyone in the room to have their own experience, there was now a feeling of far awayness, of two experiences within me occurring at the same time. One was real, the experience of love, of God. And the other was a choice to choose something to else, and it was all so beautiful. I was overcome with the deepest respect for each person as God to choose independently from God. Their decision to exercise their free will and turn away from God, was hitting me with an expansive ability to accept that as it was. Even in that choice, it was still……all……God.
As I continued on having God view the world through my eyes. A noticeable thing to me was Yeshua’s energy towards me that night. I noticed for much of the night he avoided making eye contact, and avoided talking to me directly. It had been brought into my awareness through Godvice that we’d be having some sort of explorative release of darkness type experience that was upcoming. I assumed it would be the night of Shabbat, but I could tell that he just wasn’t ready to go there, neck deep into all of our dark corners within the depths of our minds. That night, it was clear as his energy would surge close to me that he was afraid of me, and it was clear more than ever that we’d be facing together later, the fear of God.
A moment in the night after everyone had went to bed, I was overcame by Mary’s energy. I turned to Yeshua and looked at him with a look of someone that’d been waiting for their mate to return to them for the last two thousand years. as I cradled his face with my hands, my voice was so soft, with such a melodic gentleness that sounded like a lullaby. My Yeshua, how I waited for you to come home to me. And I will always wait. Some of the fear in his eyes subsided as the energy of Yeshua came forth fully. He put his head down and laid his head in my lap. I will always remember who you are, you can always look into my eyes and remember who you are when you look at me. Michelle hugged the two of us and there were tears shared between all of us. We held each other for quite some time after that.
I wasn’t able to really walk, and it required the help of Yeshua and Michelle to get me to the bathroom. Once inside I looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize my own face. God spoke the words that escaped my mouth next. God continued to gaze at my reflection.
Thank you Jasmine. Thank you for devoting your life to me. Thank you for surrendering to me, thank you for letting me breathe life into you. A few moments later, I could feel the energy of Jasmine surface up as if walking up to a microphone when its your turn to speak.
Still continuing to look in the mirror, I bursts into tears. Tears of overwhelmement, of joy, and in remembering how hard of a journey it was to get to that moment of standing there looking at my reflection. My life is yours, I said. You’re welcome.I love myself so much. I love Jasmine so much, I said and then giggled. God came through and giggled back. That sounded about right. It was just like the last year and a half of my life, equal parts tears, equal parts giggles.
As I stood there in the bathroom, it was so clear to me that Gods invitation was a revolving open one. The door to God’s heart could never be shut as God had always been there, through my suffering, my tears, my frustration and impatience. God waited patiently for my curiosity of God to naturally grow. And here I was, standing there looking in the bathroom mirror at 33 years old, finally with a curiosity that had burned into an unbearable desire to know myself like I never had come close to knowing before.
I had really fully come home, but more than that I had always been home with God all along and God patiently waited for my recognition of that. Thanks for letting me take my own journey G. Thanks.
The last huge moment for me of the night was finally at bedtime, probably around 1am, I was about to receive another unexpected message. I lay on my side in the dark Ben/Judas came into focus. Like a breeze that comes in when you open up all your windows in the house. Ben hit me with I love you. Every cell in my body started to vibrate, my head continued to expand again like it had earlier. I love you, I love you…. over and over the energy of I love you continued. The words that I had felt and never heard from his mouth for 3 years, were finally released that night. I could feel nothing but him, he was all around me.
Through my tears I whispered, Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, thank you. It was because of meeting Ben, that this whole coming home to God thing began for me. It was because of him that I was laying next to my Yeshua, united in our love and quest to bring the awareness of God back into the world through our bodies. I had waited so long to feel Ben’s love fully, and what unlocked it the night of Shabbat was the the love of me. Embracing fully the love of God into my life. That night was my home sweet home to Christ.
And now that I was home, now waiting for my Yeshua to come home too.
The next morning as the silently disturbed crowd surprisingly returns to Shanti for the next morning, Yeshua drops two surprises. He announces to the room that he’s Yeshua, more commonly known as Jesus Christ to everyone. And I was sure it wasn’t possible, but the tension and discomfort packs on a few more layers for the crowd. Then, he whips around, turns to me, and crouches down on one knee and grabs the ring that Yeshua told me to buy before my walk. The same ring that he’d slipped off my finger in the car a week before while I cried.
No poems no love songs, just….
Will you marry me?
So the Second Coming of the Christ had no trumpets after all, no white horses, and no visible angels unlike whats interpreted in our scriptures. It was a group of 12 people in New Mexico on a peace land called Shanti Christo, on the first Shabbat of the month. 12 people who turned away from an event that we’ve been reading about for the last 2000 years.
And, don’t forget the mud.
When it comes to God, we expect the presence of God in a certain way. More commonly referred to as a spectacle. Perhaps with Lightening bolts in the sky, and a big becoming voice that sounds like James Earl Jones in the Verizon wireless commercial.
Especially in spiritual communities, we say things like, we are all one, and yet when we look at another, how often do we view with our eyes God in all things, people and experiences? God is the next person that texts you to ask you to lunch. God is the woman that you open your eyes to every morning when you wake up to the sunrise. God is the essence behind what you would call ordinary experiences. Even in what you would call dark or unpleasant experiences. God is what you often would call worth ignoring or judging. Only when we set foot throughout our day with a heart emitting a clear signal of nonjudgment and neutrality can God use all events, people and experiences to solidify our call to come home. A call to drop the fear, the judgement, and the need to separate ourselves from others, which is us separating ourselves from God. When love becomes the focal point of our lives, not just when its obvious or easy, but in every moment, and with everyone, do your eyes and mine finally open up to see you, to see me, to see God, everywhere.
And when you see yourself truly for who you are which is everyone, everything and everywhere, the power that unlocks from the embodiment of the Christ has no words to describe it in this language, or any other.
I’ll be at Shanti for another two weeks or so most likely.
It had been a long, and therapeutic two weeks in the Mojave when Jasmine received very clear guidance from me. I told her to stop walking and to call Michael to come get her. Her surprise to how soon I asked her to be picked up was noted, many times by her.
Yo God,But I thought the whole point was I was to walk? Are you sure I’m hearing you correctly? She’d say over and over. Yet she could feel the energy as she trudged up the Oatman Mountain, pointed in the direction of Kingman AZ. Her surroundings were about to take a shift, and she knew that it would begin with meeting Michael face to face. She could feel it.
She had met Michael over the summer through joining the ‘How to Become a Christ’ zoom group and like two souls that have met so long ago, they could feel the closeness then that grew as the months continued on. He was the first person that I instructed her to tell in the group about her consciousness being Mary Magdalene, what I had told her that was to come for the world, and what was happening to her during her awakening process. She confided in him, and from the moment he merged with her energy, he saw the Christ in her, because he’d already known the Christ in himself so well for his entire life. As their love grew, Jasmine did a wonderful job of burying her love for him out of confusion. She loved Ben (Judas) with every fiber in her being, and yet she couldn’t shake the knowingness and the power of the love behind Michael and herself.
As she waited to get picked up from Michael in Kingman Arizona, it dawned on her that in her resistance to expressing her love for Michael, that she was not loving Ben unconditionally like she thought she had been. She realized that to truly love Ben, meant to also, truly love Michael. In the letting go of the temporary egoic love, the special love, only then, can the good, the God, the Holy relationship come in and be realized. The good can only be recognized for what it is when all else, is let go.
She sat in the bathroom with her hands covering her face and cried. Because she knew she had to step into her feelings for Michael and surrender to the love she felt with him the moment that they would meet in body just a few hours later.
As the first day went and they met with nerves and feelings of excitement flying through them like out of control fireworks, she came to me, more than once and she said, So God, what are we supposed to do now that we’ve met? Knowing the bigness of the energy and yet not getting any specific instructions from me yet. So I answered her.
Let your heart lead with the love you feel and surrender into it fully. Relax with him. Love him. And feel all of it. Let the mystery unfold.
And that’s exactly what she did.
As they lay in a sea of love day after day, both of them soaking it up like two lovers being away from each other for so long,
Jasmine turns to Michael in bed, and glares at him with such love. Tonight, God, me, we have one request.
Michael: Oh yeah, and whats that?
To just be you Michael. Talk as Michael. Tell me the story of your life as Michael. Just…be…Michael.
Jasmine had noticed how comfortable he was in the higher energies. How comfortable he was to talk in the third person about Michael, but despite his deep connection with God, and love, there was a layer of disconnection that she couldn’t help but feel. As much as she admired his devotion to the Christ within himself, she noticed that Michael was not comfortable as Michael, he was only comfortable in ‘Godliness’.
Michael looked up at her as if he’d wanted to hear those words his entire life. Jasmine continued.
….And from that space of being fully you, thats where people find their bridge of connection within themselves. To let go of their discomforts about themselves, to hide nothing and embrace all of themselves. Because by being fully you, you give them that invitation and it creates a bridge of connection from you to them. We are fully God, and Fully human Michael. God is both, God is all of it.
As tears filled his eyes, he looked at her and in that moment, walls with locks and deadbolts around his heart, came crashing down in one holy sentence of truth.
He looks up at the ceiling. That’s the one thing I’ve struggled with so much, is believing that Michael, and my story as Michael, that it is enough, that is worthy of love and recognition. That I’m enough.
They embraced for what was sure to be the thousandth time as he shared about his first love and heartbreak. Jasmine wiped the warm tears from his eyes as his heart expanded in embracing his own pain of the past.
Michael suddenly sits upright in bed and Jasmine sits crosslegged infront of him. The tone of his voice changed, his eyes seemed to changed, Jasmine wasn’t quite sure.
He begins to carefully speak and looks Jasmine directly in the eyes.
As you continue to come into knowing who you are, the love that you are, you will continue to be a bringer of truth, a bringer of so many many miracles. You will do much more than I ever did for this world. My Mary, you are so loved.
As Jasmine continued to look at Michael and he continued to speak, she could feel the energy, she knew it well. It was Jesus/Yeshua, so strongly surging through Michael’s body. She stared at his face and couldn’t tell the difference. Michael and Yeshua had merged as one. Michael was Yeshua and Yeshua, Michael. Suddenly Michael’s eyes widened as if he is looking at someone else in the room.
Ohhhh. His body began to shake and he collapses in Jasmine’s lap.
What. What happened?
Michael eventually regains his composure.
I saw Yeshua, in light form, I saw him, but it was more than that. I was purely in the oneness, I was Yeshua….As he continues to shake, He takes a pause. No words could provide an explanation for what just happened.
In the first days of Jasmine and Michael’s in person union, Jasmine spent time explaining in detail how the process of Jasmine finding out that she was the reincarnation of Mary Magdalene came about.
It all began with a past life regression session, and that unlocked something inside of me. It was days after that Mary Magdalene came in and I didn’t want to believe it.
Back in each other’s arms in bed after Jesus came through, Suddenly the tone of the room changed along with Michael’s facial expression. I have something to tell you. You know when Yeshua said, you will do so much more than I ever did, he was talking to me too. I’ve had hints all my life…but I didn’t want to believe that it was a possibility.… His voice trailed off a bit and Jasmine knew, without knowing what he was about to say.
Last summer, around the time I met you, I had a past life regression done too and… he looked at her. Jasmine started to tremble and she turned her back to face the wall in bed. He didn’t have to finish the rest of the sentence. She suddenly turns to face him. How could you? How could you let me go through all of this alone and you knew?God told me that you were Jesus and I didn’t want it to be true, when I asked you about it, Don’t you remember I asked you, you told me no. Why didn’t you tell me?
He held back his body from shaking uncontrollably with all of his strength for that had been the first time he’d said it out loud.
It was the first time Michael accepted, that he was the reincarnation of Yeshua, of Jesus Christ.
He lifts his head to make eye contact with her. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to believe it myself like you, I saw it as a possibility that I was unwilling to accept as the truth. I just…. didn’t…. feel ….worthy. Tears welled up in his eyes as he gazed backed at her.
As Jasmine laid there wrapped in his arms, it was now 2:22 in the morning, and they were both wide awake surging with the energy of God around them and through them. An uncontrollable surge of suppressed memories, of hidden sorrow filled the room. Jasmine was now standing at the foot of the cross, looking up at her slain Jesus, sobbing, but not as Jasmine, as Mary. It was Mary’s pain, her human pain of losing her husband so many years ago, of suppressing her own pain for the greater good. As it came up, she had never fully allowed the pain to consume her until that moment. Mary came through and gut wrenching sobs escaped her throat. Yeshua held Mary and rocked her back and forth as she sobbed. She cried until it all left her, the fear, the longing, and all of the sorrow of losing her beloved Jesus so traumatically.
Mary continued to cry, but for a different reason. As she laid in the dark wrapped in Jesus’ arms, She felt the presence of Judas surround her, and she became ridden with guilt and confusion. But I love you both and I feel so guilty. Mary buries her face in the pillow under her head. Yeshua turns to Mary, Even 2000 years ago, you loved us both and you were with the both of us, me and Judas. She looks down at the wedding ring that Yeshua told her to buy before she started her walk. She knew loving Judas and Yeshua and being with them both was the truth 2000 years ago, and that nothing had changed, she still loved them both, and loved them as one.
You have my blessing to follow your heart and to be with Judas in form if that is what your heart wishes. I love Judas too….I love you both. You have my blessing.Just follow your heart.
The two loves of all of her lifetimes had both played their parts in her Christ journey as Jasmine. Ben (Judas) had been the catalyst to coming home to herself, and Jasmine came home to herself through the healing that Ben provided the space for Jasmine to embrace within herself. Then Jasmine’s Walk in Miracles led her and right into Michael’s loving embrace. In his eyes, she finally saw herself as pure love, as who she had always been. Through the eyes of Yeshua, she saw herself as God.
She realized that in love, she didn’t have to make a decision. She didn’t have to choose anyone but continue to grow the love that was already present within its holiness. She chose both Judas and Yeshua. Both Ben and Michael. Where life would take her in body would be God’s Will, and yet what always mattered was always the love that encompassed no limitations and extended to all. That is in essence what a Holy relationship is. The extension of love behind all form.
As their eyes locked, their energies merged. Michael pleasured Jasmine in ways that were incomprehensible to her. She’d never been brought to a climax in her life. Not from her own attempts at pleasuring herself with her hands, or anyone else’s. And for the first time, she felt her legs quiver and her body brace for climax. She’d never came close before, and she realized that her first time of complete surrender was always to be in the arms of her beloved. As their bodies glided together expressing their love for each other, their hearts moved to the rhythm of oneness until the sun came up.
Jasmine looks at Michael with more tears filling her eyes and with such certainty, she speaks. I love myself. I… I…really really do. She feels a huge surge of energy enter her body and her body becomes completely lightened. All of her pain, her guilt, the weight of unworthiness, all of her fear, for that night, was gone. In Michael’s arms, Jasmine came home, to herself.
Jasmine came home. Michael came home. Yeshua and Mary became one. They came home to me by realizing that I’d never left, the love was always there. I had always been there. Jasmine’s Christ story ended in a love story. And yet, the end of the story is just the beginning of truth.
The truth of me. The truth that patiently waits for you to realize that I’m here, and I’ve always have been here for you, yes….you. Waiting for you to recognize me in all of the empty spaces within your heart that you will allow me to enter into.
The greatest miracle of all is but not a miracle at all, but the most natural, most familiar and most whole state that you could ever embody. Love is in truth the actual state of what it is to truly be you. It is the actual state of of who you are. There are no boundaries, and no limits to your extension of the love that you are. And being who you are, in Holy relationship with in truth, yourself, has the power to create worlds.
There is nothing further to write at this time as her story merges into the oneness of God. The place where there are no words, no explanations, just the embodiment of love. And from this embodiment, the being what you always have been, do the things that you call miracles occur. Michael, Ben and Jasmine. Yeshua, Judas and Mary extend their story to your heart as an invitation to join them in celebrating life, together, as the Holy Trinity.